Ophelia?
by M. Love
Summary: Bella commits suicide after Edward leaver her, she thinks oblivion will take her. But when she meets the Three Fates and is granted one wish and one lynx, everything changes. She is given a new life and name, a new boy and an old love that will never die.
1. Oblivion

"_Edward... I've missed you." _

"_Bella... I'm not staying."_

"_You're... what?"_

"_I'm leaving you again. I now know that you're alive and that's all I care about... I'm sorry... But-"_

"_You have to."_

"_Yeah."_

It was funny, though I didn't laugh. I doubted my heart was even beating. It was an odd feeling, but not foriegn to me. It felt as if I had swallowed a poison, it had worked its magic and now I was in hell. I stared up into Edward Cullen's face and for one drawn out moment I felt the heart breaking sorrow that his words had just inspired in me seconds before, but then the deadness caught hold of me again.

"I understand, Edward," lips that, though on my face weren't mine, said. "Best leave now. Don't want to stick around long, do you?"

"Bella..." he whispered. His hand touched my cheek with his usual reserved carefulness. It stun and burned where his cold marble skin touched mine.

I cowered from him and he retrcted his hand into a tight fist.

"Go. You want to be free of me? Well now you are! Don't come back here! Don't let Alice look into my future again! I am worthless of it all, all that you have given to me." I was saying the words in a shrill panicking voice, but I clamed my tone and looked up at him. "I was blessed, but a mere human like me can't expect a beuatiful and loving vampire to waste himself on me. Thank you, for the time I had. I couldn't have asked for any more."

"Bella, how dare-" but I wouldn't let him speak, I slepped my hand over his mouth, and though he could have easily removed it – he did't. I ran my hands acorss those teeth. I wanted those teeth to taste my flesh, I wanted him to just kill me now, so I could be releieved of this pain and he would be done with me.

"To think I had once kissed you on these very lips. The lips that now tell me they don't love me anymore." I whispered.

"I never said-" he began again, his eyes flashing but i clasped my hand over his mouth again and he fell silent.

I took a deep breath. "I'd kiss you, but I know you don't want that. I can see it in your eyes. I think that maybe its always been there. You should have just let Tyler's van crush me. Or maybe you should have just drained me dry that day in biology. I would have preferred that..."

He looked so cut up, and I knew it was that guilt again. It was that guilt that had sent him to Volturi, that guilt that had almost destroyed what was, to me at least, the mopst beautiful thing on this earth. I couldn't be responsible fo r that guilt to get the best of him. I didn't want to be responsible for why he on longer existed. Even if I was no longer worth even the breaths my lungs took, I could be happy that Edward had been relieved of me. Of the stupid human girl he had been infatuated with a for a brief time.

"I gave my ehart to you long ago, Edward. You still have it." I whsipered, looking intently on his lips and falshing teeth. "But there is no heart any more, for you or I. But don't let this guilt take over you again. Promise me you won't do anything stupid like try and kill yourself again, ok?"

Edward was silent as he looked at me, I wondered what he was thinking, what he was seeing in my eyes that looked so intently at his face. I don't think I ever fully apperciated its beauty until now, when I was saying goodbye to it for the last time.

"I promsie you, Bella." he said after a long silence and I took a heavy sad breath taht seemed to be shared with the both of us. Edward's was most likely a breath of relief, I was the only one loosing the love of my life. Edward had said goodbye to me long ago. He was loosing a dead wait off his concious.

I could remember the night life times ago when this had happened to me for the first time, I hadn't talked so much then but now I needed to let him go. I needed to make sure he would never come back. That none of them would ever come back. That I would never seek them out. I had sworn not to hope, not to invest my heart... now it was dead inside my worthless chest.

He had left me in the forest that time, but I wouldn't let him do that again. I was probably taking this better than I should be taking it, but I wouldn't let that worry me now... As I turned away from him I saw a flash of movement, but when I looked back and saw he stood as still as a statue, only his eyes moving with my slowly moving form. I didn't smile, but I thought fleetingly of our last passionate kiss, the one he usually gave me when he knew we didn't have much time left together. Its what would be most customary at this moment if he wasn't watching me with boredum. I finally turned away fully and let a small whimper escape me. I heard a rustling of leaves, or ast leasts that what it sounded like, as I continued to trudge through.

Why did he let me come rescue him? Why did he try and kill himself when he thought I was dead? Did he know that his last words just killed me? I had almost thought he loved me again... What a stupid girl I was! I was unworthy of his love, I finally got it in my head. I realised that somewhere in me I had thought that maybe I had a slice of a chance to have Edward... Now it was final. Now all hope was dead. All love was dead. I was dead.

The rustling continued, intensifying as if a huge gail had swept up behind me...

I heard a huge crack and the ground trembled beneath my feet, I turned back and saw that a tree had fallen over near where Edward had been standing. He was gone now. I would have cried if I still had emotions. I hugged my arms around my dead chest, and looked up at the underside of the huge trees. The light pitter patter of the night rain fell against the leaves that protected me. Were the angels crying? Maybe they felt my heart break, and had taken my soul up to the clouds so it wouldn't have to feel any of this, and now it just waited for me to join it.

My feet felt heavy as I dragged on, trying to soak up all the earth that I could see. This had been my world. To think I spent all my time in Forks not appreciating its beauty. Now I felt like lying down on the grass and soaking up all I had while I still lived. I stopped dead, my dead wait feeling heavy on my shoulders.

Was I going to die? I asked my self. The answer presented itself before I could even formulate it on my lips.

"Yes."

There was a flash of yellow to my right and I spun to see eyes peering out at me from the blackness thaty consumed the forest. The being gave a meowing sound and stepped out into the dim light of the moon, it was a lynx. It was darker then most, almost black. That was unnaturual, but I didn't care. I watched as it walked up to me and brushed against my leg. I should have been afraid, but the knowledge of a death soon to be clamed me. The wild cat then sat at my side and looked up at me expectantly.

I began walking towards my house agin, with a knowledge that the lynx was following me carefully. And Charlie entered my mind. I loved him so much, if I still had a heart it would be breaking at the thought of him. I sighed and relaised that my relief of this earth bound body would be delaid so I could write him a letter.

I waited for tears but realised that a dead heart couldn't produce them.

On I walked until I was met by the blank expanse of grass that led to the small wood cottage covered slightly in mist. This was my home. I would hug it if it wouldn't look weird, but it was really on the lynx walking behind me that would see.

I walked around to the front of the house and looked back to see the lynx sitting at the edge of the forest, watching me. I could almost sense she was waiting for me. I took a deep breath and entered through the front door.

My home was more beautiful then any million dollar mansion. I was raised here. I was loved here. My father will do on his on, but I will miss him. I'm sure he'll miss me too. He'll wake tomorow morning and see an empty bed and cry. His salty tears falling onto my letter, running the ink. I climbed the stairs, counting each one as I ascended. 15 in number.

I walked into my room and grabbed a peice of paper and a pen and stood by my window. How long would I have to wait until I formed a proper plan? How long until I could finally give my useless body up to the earth, and join my spirit up in heaven. Though there was no heaven with out Edward.

I shouldn't have thought his name, for it came with images and I found myself gripping the window frame with tense fingers. Momentarily I stopped sucking back some of my last lung fills of air. With a gasp that started my bretahing again, I saw the lynx straing up at me through my bedroom window. I stared back and wondered if she was looking at me, or was she _watching_ me?

I turned to me paper and took my pen.

**To my Dad,**

**I love you with all my wasted heart. But I am borken.**

**I am going to heal myself.**

**I am selfish, and I'm sorry that I am leaving you to make myself feel better, at the cost of your happiness.**

**Know I love you, and without you I would have been broken long before this ever happened.**

**It wasn't the Cullen's fault, so don't blame them. The only one at fault is me, but I'm going to correct that.**

**See you later, Love with the rest of my beats**

**Bella.**

With a long ragged breath I read the letter and smiled, adding at the bottom;

**P.S. Send my love to Jacob, and apologise to him for me. Sorry he spent so much time on a lost cause.**

Jacob would be devistated, but I could remember the words once spoken to me by a man long dead "Human memories fade easily". I took comfort in this, if I could feel comfort that is. I stretched and looked back out and met the lynx's eyes. With a nod to her, I left the room.

Charlie's door was just up the hall from mine, and I walked over to it and stood waiting. He wouldn't open the door, it was a good three hours until he would wake up to go to work. By then I'll be long gone. I gently pushed the folded paper under the door, dwelling momentarily to listen to his snores. How I would miss the sound. I placed my hands on the smooth wood of the door and sighed.

"I wish I had been brave enough to walk to you, Charlie." I whispered. "I wish I could have loved you enough not to hurt you like this. One day, we'lll meet again. Up there." I looked up at the sky and pondered if that's where I would go. Not that I cared. No Edward meant no heaven, no matter what my final destination was.

I walked out of the house and saw the lynx already there, it opened its mouth and gave a noise like a meow, but had a more feral growl to it. I liked the sound and suddenly it began walking slowly, and I followed it. I knew that I could trust this lynx to show me where I should go.

It should have been a long walk, and I probably should have been scared out of my wits. But with the lynx prowling a head of me, and the knwledge that I would be soon relieved of the sickening feeling within my whole body, it was short.

I had stopped to gaze at a huge oak tree that marveled me when the lynx gave an impatient growl for me off in the distance. I quickened my pace and nearly toppled right over the creature when I realised where I was.

"You can't expect me to..." I floundered on my words as I gazed into the storming landscape ahead of me.

In La Push the light shower that had fallen on my part of the woods was now stroming angrily on this part. I stood at a familiar sight at the top of the highest cliff. I had been here over 4 days agao, trying to cliff dive. The events had now looped back to me standing back on the cliff, but now my intentions were much more devistating then cliff diving.

I had almost died that time, and now there would be no Jacob to save me. No Alice to come and comfort me. No Edward to see again. There would be no bittersweet reward like last time. This time there would only be the sweet sweet promise of oblivion. I couldn't believe how my life would end, seemed almost like something from a book. But I shook my head to clear it of these thoughts. I gazed down at the thrashing waves, they looked angry as if they were leaping up to grab me. They must not have liked being cheated out of their last meal. They had wanted me, they had almost had me too... Oh well, they would soon have me at their mercy again...

The lynx came up and rubbed against me as if to soothe. I looked down and wanted to reach out and pet it, but thought better of it. I had more pressing matters to attend to. The lynx stepped back to give me room as I stared out at the sea.

The tears fell now, they were rivers down my cheeks as they mixed with the cutting rain form above. My heart had began to painfully work again. Its beats cutting my poor chest. I remembered the feeling of numbess and now craved it. I was ripping apart again, but instead of clutching my chest together, I spread my arms wide. Let the whole earth see my broken heart. Let them all hear my broken sobs. I sobbed and wailed loudly. They were tears of a mad woman as I looked beseachingly to the sky.

"Take me. Make me whole!" I cried out. The words were razor blades as they left my mouth.

The last thing I saw before my wobbling legs pushed off rom the slippery rock was Edward's hard face set in a snarl. Then the oblivion. The sweet nothing...

..or so I thought

**To Be Continued...**

_**(A/N) Tell me what you think, I have more planned. I actually wrot eit down on a peice of paper so I don't forget what I want to happen! I hope I didn't go overboard with Bella commiting suicide... I know the lynx was weird, but I just found this great picture of one, and I have a great idea for the cat. So I can't wait to write that. (Look them up, they are tops and scary too)**_

_**Please comment and feedback. IT IS THE FUEL FOR MY CAR!**_

_**--Em**_


	2. Fates

I was shuddering with bone deep chill. My teeth chattered together so violently I thought they all might shatter from the continued battering. I had goosebumps all over me and I rubbed my arms in vain. And my whole body jerked around with the cold. I was also wearing the clothes I had died in.  
But I didn't realize any of this because the moment I took in my surroundings, I wasn't cold.  
I seemed to have found myself in a home that looked like it had been transported from the early 1900s. The floors were a dark brown wood color and were covered in elaborate Persian rugs. The ceilings were high and I could see the timber beams that supported the arching wooden roof. There was a grand silk wooden staircase that led up to a second floor.  
Suddenly there was a sound from behind that made me jump and turn around. There were two women sitting on a huge red couch with gold trimmings. They were crying out loud and throwing what looked like popcorn at the huge plasma screen TV that looked out of place in the Victorian house.  
"NO!"  
"Stupid idiot! I hate men!"  
"I can't believe she would do that! She just had to hold on..."  
"She had been, he dumped her again!"  
"I don't get it though! GAH! I hate men!"  
There was a small little meow and suddenly a familiar animal hopped up on to the back of the couch. It was the lynx that had led me to my end. But I didn't resent the animal, rather I smiled brightly in greeting.  
"Hey there," I said and the cat seemed to be smiling back.  
"Is she here!" Called out one the women on the couch.  
The lynx seemed to be rolling her eyes and she leaped down form the couch and I bent down and began to scratch it behind the ears.  
"Hey! We thought you'd show up soon you've been under long enough!" Said a bright voice from above.  
I looked up and met big black eyes that beamed down from a small and beautiful face. I stood up while the lynx dwindled at her feet, purring deeply and rubbing up and down, not seeming to care that there was a puddle slowly forming at my shoes.  
"Do I know you?" I asked in a voice that sounded unusually calm given the circumstances.

"No," replied the woman, "But we know you. We've been watching you before you were born."

"I don't understand..." I muttered as I looked past the bright eyed watch and saw what they were watching.

I could see me, except it technically wasn't me anymore, it was just my body... It was being thrashed around by the angry sea that I had just thrown myself in to. My eyes were open but unseeing. I felt suddenly cold and wrapped my arms around me.

"Oh, Naksha!" scorned the other woman who hadn't spoken since I noticed them. "You're scaring the poor thing! Too much information all at once is no good for anyone!"

She had bright and engaging eyes the brightest shade of green, unlike her friend whose coloring was variations of black, she was made of all earthy colors. Her hair was like the sand, and her skin was tanned. Naksha seemed disappointed and her back slumped a bit, and her black eyes lost a bit of sparkle.  
"Wait until Tara come-"  
"I'm already here." came a voice form across the room. I spun round so fast it left me dizzy.  
There was a woman dressed in a ruby red dress the same brilliant color of her red, red lips. Her hair was a softer shade but when it caught the light it almost glittered. I was dumbfounded by her beauty and it left me slack jawed.  
The lynx that had been at my feet the whole time lightly sprinted off to meet the woman at the base of the stairs. She seemed to be speaking in an animal language that was foreign to the woman. She bent down and gave the lynx a bit of food that seemed to have appeared out of no where.  
"I know," she said in a voice that reminded me of an opera singer. "You have waited like no one could have. You will have your reward." The cat rolled her back as the woman brushed her down one last time.  
The beautiful woman stood to her full height and looked directly at me now, and I was held in that gaze for what might have been eternity. Then she smiled as if I had satisfied her.  
"I'm Tara, Bella," she said in a kind voice that almost made me want to cry. "You must be tired."  
I nodded without meaning to, but once I had admitted it, I felt the full force of how much I needed sleep. Tara nodded back at me and offered her hand.  
"Sleep now, child," she said. "I'll show you to your room."  
I didn't question why I had a room, I just simply walked up to Tara slowly, and then our hands enclosed around each others. I felt my tiredness hit me like a truck and she practically had to drag me up the stairs and down a long dark hallway. The lynx followed us both down and I kept glancing back to look at it. Here, where ever here was, the animal looked less feral then it had prowling the forests. Here it almost looked loving.  
As if she could read my mind Tara spoke up.  
"She's been waiting for you for eternity, Bella." She spoke softly to me. "You see, you have been quite the center of attention around here, more than you could guess."  
"But why?" I stammered, but Tara cut me off once more.  
"Later, Bella. You're practically unconscious." Tara said in a sweet hum of a voice, and I was compelled to listen.  
We arrived at my room and all I could see when I first entered was the king sized bed. I began walking toward it, my eyes wide with wonder. It looked so open and inviting I resisted Tara hands that pulled me in another direction.  
"Bella," she said as she gave a gentle laugh. "Your dripping with salt water! I would be a horrible host if I let you sleep like this! I have a bath all prepared, and pajamas all clean and waiting."  
I gave a mumble of submission and I was taken off to the bathroom. It was a beautiful cream and pink shade and I could have stayed there forever. I slipped out of my still soaked through jeans and shirt behind an old fashion folded wall of thick pink curtain. When I slipped out form behind, Tara had her back to me so I could slip into the soapy hot water with dignity.  
She turned around once I was done and smiled at me as I gave a deep sigh and slipped down into the water to my chin. She pulled up a stool to the bath tub's side and brought with her a deep baskets filled with enticing scented salts.  
"Bella, dear," she sighed as she took a handful of the salts and poured them into my bath. "You've been through hard times, I know that." I felt at ease the moment the slats began to melt into the hot water and I nodded. "I'm sorry your âme soeur is quite blind to the your conviction to him."  
I creased my brow, "What's an amie sour?" I asked and she gave a tinkling laugh.  
"Ame soeur, soul mate." she pronounced with an easy French accent. I suddenly felt queasy and I looked away trying to will myself not to cry. She suddenly looked down at her basket too, her lashes wet. "I'm terrible! Forgive me, Bella! I should have known..."  
She was silent for the rest of the bath, every once and a while adding different salts to the bath, some purple, others green, a few pink. The smells of them all entered my nostrils undetected. I probably should have been more curious, but what with the sleep deprivation, the recent suicide and mention of Edward as my soul mate, my mind couldn't take much in.  
She helped me out and gave me a soft towel to dry myself off with, and then she gave me soft pink flannel pajamas. I slipped them on too and felt almost automatically at ease and tired. Tara smiled at me easily as I practically had to be poured into the silk beds because my whole body had turned to much from the lack of rest.  
The last thing I saw before I fell closed my eyes were familiar golden feline eyes and a familiar purr entered my ears. It was the sound I fell asleep to.

There was something unbelievably soft against the side of my cheek. I gave a deep sigh and could smell roses and fresia. I felt around for more of the soft fur and found that what ever it was was warm to the touch, I brought it in closer until I was hugging it tightly with both arms. I felt it vibrate with a purring noise.  
With a jolt I realized what I must be holding close to my body, and I jolted up.  
"Don't be afraid!" came a voice, and I looked around. "Its me!" it said again and against my better judgment I looked down at what it must be.  
The lynx was looking up at me with its golden eyes and then it came in and sat on my lap. It was heavy, but its warmth spread into my body again, and I was compelled to scratch it behind the ears.  
"And who are you?" I asked, half fighting the urge to laugh at myself.  
"Tara named me Ura, but now I'm yours, you can call me what you like." she said to me, pushing against my hand so I could scratch her just a bit more.  
"I didn't know lynx's could speak English." I muttered.  
"I can't," she replied. "I'm speaking your language, which I now know is English, as you can suspect, I'm not your normal lynx."  
"How can you?" I asked, feeling more frightened and confused then I would have though possible.  
"We are joined, Bella." The lynx replied. "You and I are part of a bigger plan, and we were meant to be together, I am meant to help you on your quest."  
"Quest?" I trembled, but the lynx hopped down form my bed and walked toward the door.  
With a rush I remembered Tara and the other two women. They were probably waiting for me down stairs. they had looked like they had been waiting to tell me something... They had let me sleep first though, but now that I was done sleeping, I supposed there was nothing left but to go downstairs.  
I turned my legs and hopped out of the bed lightly, stretching my limbs this way and that. I looked down and noticed I was still in pajamas.  
"Can't I get changed first?" I asked the lynx who had grown slightly impatient.  
"They are really anxious to start speaking to you, Bella." She replied, and she pushed her head against the door. "To get us both going."  
"Fine," I grumbled and I picked the lynx up off the floor, for some reason craving her comfort, and then I opened the door. The lynx didn't seem to mind and she nuzzled her head against my neck, purring as I stroked my hand through her black fur.  
As I walked down the hallway, I wondered what I could call my knew companion, everything that continued to pop into my head was rather dull. I wondered why I had been joined up with a lynx, and what roll would we have to play in what ever was coming.  
Only I could get into danger even after I was dead.  
I arrived at the top of the stairs and I walked down slowly, from the TV I could hear a deep crying noise that stirred great unrest in my stomach. i held to my lynx even tighter as I walked closer. Naksha and the other woman was watching the scene with creased brows, staring intently at who ever it was crying. The sound was familiar to me but I couldn't quite place where I had heard it, it was like a dream I had woken up from and forgotten until now.  
"Bella!" Said a voice behind me, and I turned and saw Tara gliding down the stairs so gracefully it looked as if she were floating on air. "You're up!"  
The sound from the TV died instantly and I looked back and saw Naksha and the other woman drawing up form the couch and gliding over to me also.  
"I hope I didn't keep you waiting," I said.  
"Yes, you did." said Naksha, but then she beamed. "But its all good. We now have more to show you!"  
I stared at her with confusion, the only sound was my lynx's purring as I continued to stroke her. I turned to see Tara glaring at Naksha dangerously, as if in warning.

"That's quite enough, sister." Tara said in a dark voice, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Come and let us talk to you properly," Tara said and she flourished a hand towards a long thick wooden table.

I followed her along, with my lynx wrapped in my arms, and I got to take the head of the table. The three of them stared at me, as if appraising me. My lynx shifted in my arms and I loosened my arms, giving her the option to leave me and roam somewhere else. She didn't leave me.

Somehow I was glad for that, I felt as if I needed her presence with me. I wondered why I had grown so attached to the animal, but suddenly she was mine, and I was hers, and she was solace in this time of upheaval.

"Bella," breathed Tara. "I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this."

"We tried our best! We really did!" said the woman I still didn't know the name of passionately.

"I don't understand," I fumbled grasping to my lynx. "I don't even know.. I'm dead! Aren't I supposed to be at peace!"

"You were never destined for the 'ever restful peace' the moment you met dear Edward," Naksha said and I held my breath as I was consumed with the feeling I was about to cry.

"Don't," I whispered.

"She still doesn't understand," mumbled the unknown woman.

"Excuse me," I croaked, and my lynx gave out a harsh growl at her.

"Bella," Tara said, she was obviously trying to make the peace. "We can't tell you anything until you accept what must be accepted!"

I stared at her stunned, and under my hands I could feel my lynx's fur bristling. I tried to calm her but there was nothing to be done, she seemed apprehensive, and so did I. Tara stood and came to my seat's side. Her hand was placed softly on my shoulder as she spoke to the other two women.

"Naksha, Evana," They perked up and looked to Tara with bright and eager eyes. "Show our Bella what you've been collecting."

They both squealed so excitedly and with such a high tone that I flinched. They ran over to the couch where I first had seen them when I arrived to wherever I was... Tara helped me off the chair, not even bothering to wonder why I held onto the lynx tightly, and then she led me to the couch.

I sat down in between Evana and Naksha and I stared at the blank screen while Naksha began pressing buttons on a ridiculously large remote.

"Popcorn?" Evana asked brightly, offering me a bowl full of steaming popped corn. I shook my head and looked away to Tara who wasn't sitting with the three of us, rather watching me anxiously, biting her perfect nails. The lynx slipped out of my arms and opted to curl up on my lap, breathing steadily, calming me.

"This will blow your deluded self illusion up your butt!" Naksha cried rather indignantly, and it earned her a disapproving look from my lynx and from Evana on my right side.

Naksha, slightly deflated that her humor hadn't been appreciated, hit a very large green button and the screen came on.


	3. Believe

_**(A/N) I'd like to apologize the last chapter's formatting, the computer wasn't behaving, and I thought if I posted it it would fix itself. I was wrong :(**_

I thought that everything that had happened so far since my plunge would be the most surprising thing to happen to me for the rest of my life... death. I never expected anything to get any more surprising, I hoped that nothing would ever get that surprising. And yet it did.

On the screen I could see me, not me as I am, dressed in pajamas and hugging a cat, it was me. I stood there, in the forest where I last said goodbye to my love. He was there too, looking down at me with those beautiful black eyes.

"Stop," I whispered, looking away over to Tara. "Please."

"We can't, Bella. You need to know!" Tara enthused passionately, her cheeks flushing with shame as she saw my torment.

"I already know what happened! Please, this is cruel!" I cried out, and my lynx began to hiss up at Tara.

"You know what happened to you, but what about Edward?" Naksha said from my side. "What happened to him?"

"He got what he wanted - freedom." I responded, trying my best to not look at look at the screen or hear the familiar sound of light wind and rain on the tree tops.

"I wouldn't be so sure..." Naksha said and I watched as she pressed the volume up so high the sounds filled my ears as if I was back in that forest. But suddenly I heard words that had never been spoken.

"So fragile," it was a voice of an angel. "I can't let myself do anything..."

"He never said that..." I muttered, not daring to look at the screen to see his beautiful face, for I would truly be lost then.

"He thought it though, Bella." Tara said gently. "We want you to see what he was really thinking, what he really wanted to say to you, instead of goodbye."

Edward's voice came again and I closed my eyes in the sensation it caused. "Why does she look at me with those eyes? Doesn't she know all I want is her? Look at how much she trusts me, I love and hate her trust."

Suddenly I could hear true cried of pain, and I knew that I couldn't stand it any longer. My eyes found the screen and I could see him, they had zoomed in so I couldn't see me any more but him and the back drop of the dim forest.

His face was stoic, showing no sign of the wails I could hear. I wanted to reach out and touch him, and the knowledge that I couldn't was getting too much.

"Let me just touch her one last time, before I loose her for ever," he pleaded and I saw his hand reach out, and I instinctive flinched black as if I was back in the forest with him. "Understandable - I wouldn't want to be ouched by a monster like me.

"Go, Bella, my love. I will never come to you again, no matter how much I crave your love you... You deserve better then me."

I knew that I had begun to walk away by this time, and could almost hear my own thoughts echo through my head as they had done before, the dumb feeling of cold loss... What I didn't expect to see was Edward walking in my wake, his hands swiftly brushing lightly over the skin of my neck but not touching me.

"If only I had been strong enough to leave you when I should have, that first biology class... Or maybe I should have just killed you, better be killed by a stranger then betrayed by a love one... Oh Bella, I would happily kiss you now, touch your skin, but no..."

His face was crumpling in pain, his hands were on the sides of his head as it waved violently around.

"I swear you will no longer have to suffer the monster in me, Bella. I love you, and I will let you go."

With movement so fast it almost made me cry out, he shot fast away from where I was walking away, he ran straight into a huge tick tree on purpose - because Edward never hit trees. I could only imagine how much that hurt, and I cringed as we, the silent companions, followed him as he ran far, far away, slamming hard into trees.

The wailing intensified, but this time he didn't hide his pain. His face was crumpled and he stopped every once and awhile to throw himself to the ground and pound at it hard with his fists, denting the ground floor by meters. The sound of his cries entered my body and I thought I might break from the feeling it created in me.

I threw my hands over my ears and tried to push it away, but nothing would work. Edward's sobs were shaking me to my core and there was no where to hide. I sprang up quickly, making my lynx fall to the floor but land on her feet with beautiful grace.

"Please!" I cried out. "I beg you! Make it stop! I believe you ok! I know it now! Edward didn't want to leave! He thought he was doing what was best!"

The sound cut out as I fell to the ground in a heap and I pulled at my hair as I cried into the floor. I felt something rub up against me but it didn't ease my pain.

"I'm dead," I sobbed to the floor. "What does proving he loved me all that time change! Nothing! I will never see him again! I'm dead!"

"Yes, Bella," I heard Tara say close by. "But we can help you see him again... We can heal you both!"

I uncurled my self and moved my head to look at Tara who had moved to bend over by my face.

"W-what?" I stuttered. "How-"

"We're the Fates, Bella," Tara said gently, placing her hand on my hair. "What do you think we've been doing for all eternity? Setting up soul mates!"

"You failed with Edward and I, if we are soul mates," I said dejectedly.

"Ah! You're wrong!" Naksha said, suddenly appearing at Tara's side. "Granted we did have trouble... Edward isn't the easiest man to manipulate, but we knew we had him the moment you looked at him with your big brown eyes, he couldn't fight fate then!"

"You did get a rather uncooperative soul mate," Evana said calmly, her hands crossed over her chest as she looke ddown at me with gentle eyes. "But he has been blessed with a fateful lover."

"We never-" I began, feeling flushed.

"But you will," Naksha said brightly. "We still see it! As we see you becoming a vampire - just as Alice Cullen did."

"You still see me-" I couldn't finish the sentence, hope was choking me up as it battled with the horrid feeling of depression.

"Becoming a vampire, yes," Naksha said bluntly, her eyes wide as they stared at me. I turned to Tara.

"Is that how you plan to help me?" I asked her. "You'll change me?"

"Oh, she's quick," Evana said as she walked over to a large cabinet near the dining table.

"Not me, Bella," Tara said with a smile. "My sisters and I are giving you a gift of our own... But we're getting someone in to change you."

"But why?" I asked in a trembling voice.

"Its in the cards!" Naksha said, standing up suddenly. Tara and I stayed on the floor. "You were meant to be a vampire as much as you were meant to be with Edward."

"I'm still not sure about that," I whispered.

"Then think of the rest of the world!" Naksha said. "You being a vampire changes everything about the war coming."

"War?" I asked, suddenly sitting up straight.

"Nothing you should worry about," Tara said, flashing a look at Naksha. "Not now, find Edward, that sets you and everything else in motion. Find Edward, and I have no doubt."

Easy for them to say, they didn't have to chase a vampire who was difficult to manage and a s stubborn as I was. They also didn't have my 18 year old self esteem levels...

Tara stood and offered me her hand, I took it and she pulled me up. Tara then guided me towards the table once more where I fell onto a chair. I curled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My lynx cat jumped up onto the table and sat facing me, she eyed me suspiciously as if afraid I would crack at any moment. How very Edward of her.

"Bella," Evana said as she sat at my side. "I am a gift giver. Those people you heard of in your world, who came they can hear people's thoughts - I am the one who gave them that gift." She held to a small brown wrapped package in her hands, after glancing at it she looked back at me. "We offer you a gift, Isabella Swan, what shall it be?"

I blurted out the first thing I thought of, the one that seemed the most obvious to me. "Edward Cullen."

"You already have him!" sighed Naksha passionately. Tara placed a calming hand upon her shoulder before turning to a stone basin that sat on a coffee table near by.

"Something else, perhaps," Evana said casually.

I raked through my mind of all I knew about Vampire life, about life in general! All that really came to me was Edward. That's what I needed to live! But apparently I "had him". You have to hate those cryptic fates.

With a flare of genius I remembered the one thing that brought Edward and I together, and tore us apart. The thirst for human blood. It was Edward's one Achilles' heal. I knew how painful the thirst would be at first, but if I could avoid it...

"I don't want to," I said slowly, staring at my lynx as I spoke. "human blood."

Evana's face beamed approvingly and she beamed. "A wise, wise choice!"

She closed her eyes as she held to the package in her hands. It trembled and vibrated in her hands and seemed to hum as her concentration intensified. As Evana's brows came closer together, Tara drew away from her stone basin with a sad smile.

"Here we are," Evana said, drawing out of her trance. She turned to the table where I saw that a small cup that she could have sworn wasn't there a second ago. Evana took it and pulled at the package's wrappings until suddenly a brown powder came and mixed into the hot water in the cup.

She gave it to me, and I sniffed the liquid suspiciously. It was a full earthy smell, and I smiled slightly. When I opened my eyes I noticed with a blush that all three of them were staring at me.

"Drink up, Bella dear," Tara said, urging me on. "You don't have much time."

I gulped down the liquid, and it seared my throat for a moment, and I choked slightly, but then it went down and I felt suddenly very full.

"What now?" I asked, looking at them all.

"We say goodbye," Evana said in a small voice as she stood up and turned away from me.

"Oh." I felt slightly deflated as I stood up too.

"I'll watch out for you, Bella," Naksha said, rushing forward and hugging me tight. "I always have, and I always will! You won't be hurt again."

I patted her awkwardly on the back as I struggled to breathe. She finally pulled away - much to my relief - and I was met by Evana.

"You are a true spirit, Bella." Evana said, hugging me lightly then letting me go. "No wonder Edward keeps you with him. No matter where you are, you have always been in his heart, all one hundred years of his life."

I gave her a second hug, which surprised her, but she held onto me anyway We let go and I moved to Tara's side happily. I felt safe next to her, comforted.

"You can wait for Harry up in your room," Tara said and she put her arm over my shoulder like a mother.

_**(A/N) This chapter didn't work for me, the next three chapters were actually one originally. I thought that if I split them up, I could do more with them.**_

_**HOPE YOU ENJOY!**_


	4. Harry

We walked up the stairs, away from Evana and Naksha, trailed by my lynx. She held me to her side all the way to my room. There she let me go and turned to my bed that was ridiculously messy. Tara walked up to the bed and put her hand flat against the rumpled covers. They smoothed instantly as if a maid had been in.

"Is Harry a vampire?" I asked, twisting and untwisting my fingers.

"A very nice and clean cut vampire," Tara said gently, sitting on my bedside. I hid my shiver at what she probably meant by those words.

I joined her calmly, still watching my fingers twist together in silence. I had so much to say, and yet every time I opened my mouth, nothing occurred to me.

"I know you must be scared..." Tara said suddenly, shocking me out of my thoughts.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "I just imagined it different, changing I mean.

"You wanted Edward, right?" she asked knowingly. I managed a nod though my cheeks burned. "He'll be happy, after it all happens... after he realizes he can't undo it."

"He'll try?" I asked mutely.

"He loves you too much not to, Bella," Tara said. "But he'll get over it, after he realizes that we've gifted him as well."

I smiled at the thought, I could practically see Edward's face set in that calculating look as he tried hard to find loop holes. I smiled as my lynx sprang up on to the bed behind me, and started rubbing against my back.

"Come on, get settled." Tara said as she looked at the door momentarily. "You don't want to be stressed when he comes. It'll make it only that much harder."

I nodded and stood up with her off the bed, she peeled the freshly made covers back and I slipped into the heaven that was that bed. I smiled luxuriously as I furled and unfurled my toes.

Suddenly a scary but vitally important thought came to me and so I grabbed her retreating hand after she tucked my beddings in.

"You'll come and check on me once and awhile," I whispered.

"I'll help you through this as much as I can." Tara replied happily, and then she melted from the room, giving me my much needed space at such a time.

"Are you worried, Bella?" My lynx asked, and I gazed at her for a moment.

"Yes, but I think this is going to be well worth it." I said calmly. "He won't ever get to run away from me. One day, in all the eternity I'm going to be gifted, we'll run into each other."

"And that's when Tara said everything will start getting into motion!" My lynx chimed in and I smiled.

"One thing at a time," I sighed and she curled up into a ball on the pillow next to mine.

My mind began to read through my life so far, as if I was flipping through my favorite books. I could see Edward, but quickly pushed him away. I couldn't affored thinking about him... Tara said I needed to concentrate on calming down, tapping into my fears about Edward probably wouldn't help.

But as always, thoughts of Edward didn't remain silent. So I lay staring into the dim darkness with thoughts of Edward in my mind. That's if he would ever want Vampire Bella... maybe he only liked me because of my vulnerability.

Suddenly feeling a sweep of sadness at thought of being rejected by the one reason of my life I folded my lynx up into a hug.

"I thought of a name for you," I whispered to her, burying my face in her smooth hair. "What do you think of Cathy?"

"I love it," she whispered back to me and I smiled.

"Its from Wuthering Heights," I always used to love that book... I wonder if I still will, even after I'm changed." I said in a small voice.

"Hey, Bella," Cathy whispered. "You have to calm down."

"You're right. Maybe I am a little worried." I whispered. "I mean human Bella couldn't keep Edward.. and Edward hates himself... maybe he'll hate Vampire Bella!"

"Bella!" Cathy said, suddenly standing on all fours.

"What-"

There was a knock on the door and I felt tense all over. I wanted to cry out, I wanted to freeze time and hyperventilate. Edward didn't love me! Not in the way they made it seem! He just hated hurting people! He doesn't want a vampire mate.

"Hi, I'm Harry," And I blinked to see a man in a clean suit had entered. I blinked, stunned. "Too quick?"

I fumbled to get up, but he placed a cold hand upon my shoulder to keep me down. I was at peace all of a sudden. I lay there as if falling asleep and I smiled up at him.

He pulled the blankets around me down slightly and then moved straight to my neck. He licked from the nape of my neck to my shoulder. I knew I smelt good to him, and he smiled against me before those teeth dug deep into my flesh where I felt my life force drain out of me.

I cried out and held to him tighter, twisting around violently, the sleep lull gone, replace by horrid pain. I tried to crawl away but the amazing strength that Edward always displayed was magnified ten fold by the human eating Harry.

"Hush now," he said in a more feral voice then before. "I know it hurts. But I know you like it."

I wanted to cry out that I didn't, but my voice had abandoned me and my pain. I clawed at him, at his hair, his finely pressed clothes, but he seemed to be unaware. I thrashed painfully around, hurting, myself even more by hitting my real flesh against his rock hard skin.

"Edward!" I screamed out, when I heard his loudest growl, it was almost as if he was in the room. "Come here!" I called stupidly, knowing from experience he really wasn't there.

My strength was fading now, and my thrashing limbs were going wobbly like jelly. The pain still hadn't subsided, but I didn't expect it to. I went slightly slack in his arms, whimpering out words that slurred together for me. Harry continued to suck at my shoulder as he undid his tie and ran his hands through my hair.

"The best I've ever tasted," he sighed, and I felt myself slipping form his grasp.

"Let me go," I whispered, feeling my whole body go limp from my decrease in blood. I knew it was hard, Edward told me my blood tasted too good. My heart beat slowed and still the pain didn't leave me. Surely if I died it would leave me and I could settle.

Harry left me reluctantly, allowing himself one lick of the access blood that had trickled out. The pain was blurring my vision into a red blur, and I caught glimpses.

Harry picking me up and settling me back into bed...

Cathy purring near my face...

Then nothing as the pain fully took my body and wreaked havoc.


	5. Change

_**(A/N) Btw, I changed the name of the story to Ophelia? because it seemed better, the reason for it in later chapters... So I don't know if it'll affect alerts or anything... Sorry if it does - forgive the confusion**_

An hour later, Harry stumbled out of the room, clean and neat. The only thing that showed he had feasted upon Bella was the smile spread wide across him. Tara approached him awkwardly, her sisters at her side looking just as anxious.

"Is she ok?" She whispered, unable to find her voice.

"She's beautiful," he said back, growling contently in the back of his throat. "The best blood I ever tasted!"

Naksha crinkled her nose at this, but he seemed to drunk on Bella's blood to take much notice. He stretched and sent a longing look up the stairs.

"Its a shame..." he muttered.

"You didn't drain her," Evana trilled. "Right!"

"Yes, yes," He said, brushing her off with his hand. "Of course. Its a shame Edward couldn't have done that."

"You know Edward Cullen?" Naksha asked suddenly.

Harry went to collect the cloak he had brought with him and as he threw it over his shoulders he continued to talk to the Three Fates.

"Yes, I met him last year, he told me of a woman he knew back home. He told me of their connection, one with such love, he gave her up. As I turned Bella, she cried out his name, as if he would come and save her." Harry said simply, giving them a small smile.

"Yes," Evana sighed. "There connection is strong, when Edward isn't straining it."

"You blame him, yes?" Harry said, looking up at the Three Fates.

"Of course, Bella has been faithful to him always, even when he was off 'making things better'." Naksha said, placing her hands on her hips.

"This is probably true. But the state I've left Bella in? That's much like how I found Edward." Harry said. "When he's away from Bella, every moment he is not needed to be 'functioning' he is a wreck. He is nothing without her."

"And like wise," Tara said. "If you haven't noticed, she's dead."

"She was _very_ much alive with me," said Harry before he inclined his head to the Fates and then turned around and left.

"He's disgusting," Naksha said as she began to search for the remote.

"Keep an open mind." Evana said in her high diplomatic voice as she watched with growing frustration as her sister searched for the remote ."He's the best there is for what we needed."

There was a huge cry from the second level and Tara jumped. She looked to her sisters who had also looked up anxiously at the sound as well.

"I'm going to see her," Tara said, starting for the stairs. "I promised her I'd help."

Evana stared after her sister, her mind far away from the living room in which she stood frozen in. She wished there had been an easier way to change Bella. She wished the poor girl, so small and young, didn't have to suffer that way... For love. She was lucky as a Fate not to have love. Or was she?

"Found it!" Naksha cried, and Evana snapped back to the presence to see her fellow Fate waving the remote proudly. "Amazing, we can gift young mortal and watch any part of the human realm we wish and perform many brilliant magics that none have even dreamed of! And yet I can't find the remote."

"What did you want it so bad for?" Evana asked.

"Check in on Cullen. Poor Bella, going through all that pain! Let's see the boy!" Naksha cried and Evana cracked a beam and hopped onto the couch next to Naksha as she hit the VIEW button.


	6. Watch

_**(A/N) This is about Bella, and I will get back to her story, but I wanted to give Edward some angst. I still get angry when I think about poor Bella during New Moon. I know Edward can't dream, but hsi connection with Bella is pulling him to her as she undergoes something he never wanted (and yet craved).**_

Edward twisted and shivered as he lay in bed. He hadn't been able to face his family for obvious reasons. He could just see it, Alice would be pissed beyond words he had hurt Bella, her best friend, again for no good reason. Emmett would punch him hard – like he had done last time. And Jasper would just look at him with pity.

Edward wailed hard, punching his chest repeatedly, there was no heart to rip out, but he still wanted to find some part of him to hurt. He wanted to see his blood flow on to the floor, to feel some kind of release for his pain. He tossed onto the moldy bed of the motel he had stumbled up to.

Edward just wanted to not exist, not to remember his poor beautiful Bella. Not that she was his. He had to protect her, he knew better then to think she'd want him back now. He had sworn not to go back, not to have Alice look into her future. He might have been the worst kind of monster to her – he smashed his head hard against the wall – but he could at least do this for her.

He sat up and crossed his legs, frozen as a statue. He closed his eyes and hummed Bella's lullubye to himself, the music in him cracking as more sobs came. He tried not to think of her, to think of anything except not to fall apart. He wanted to go back to the Volturi. But he had sworn to her.

She was better off. She _**was**_! Goddammit!

As his eyes stayed closed a powerful hit of anxiety crashed into him as his dead stomach churned. His eyes opened and he wasn't in his motel room anymore.

But where was he?

Edward suddenly heard a familiar voice that he couldn't quite place. It was male, polite and had a South African accent to it.

"Sorry, too quick?"

He furrowed his brow as he sensed something else – he knew the sound so well that he closed his eyes momentarily to the sound of it.

Bella's beautiful and sound heartbeat. It thumped around irratically, quite like the way it used to back in their first month of dating, when she hadn't gotten used to Edward's fast movements and snap actions.

There was a rustling behind Edward and he spun around. If he had a heart it would have died in his chest.

Bella lay on a king sized bed, her wide eyes even bigger as she gazed up at the man who loomed over her. His hand was upon her shoulder and Edward could hear her heart pumping even faster, moving her eager blood around. With a dose of nasea, he wondered if maybe this man was Bella's new _love._.. Someone whole... Someone alive...

He watched in terrible silence as the man bent down and lowered her covers to her waist and then put one leg on the bed, but still his hand didn't move from her shoulder. Bella was smiling at him and Edward suddenly felt the need to smash his head against something again.

The man now raised Bella up slightly with his powerful arms and he then nuzzled his face near her neck. There he rubbed his nose up and down Bella's now exposed skin there. Something twisted in Edward as he recognised the way the man seemed to lick at Bella. It was a habbit to sniff at the scent of prey...

A second too late he took a step forward to stop him. But even before his first foot fell, the beast's teeth were deep in Bella's white flesh. The sound that came from Edward should have made even the god's shiver. Thor should have laid down his thunder bolts for even they paled to the sound coming from Edward. Blood spurted out and Edward looked down and saw some running on his shirt. The smell was as strong and alluring as always. But he had no craving for it. Only for that man.

Bella seemed to hear Edward's growl and she called out his name between her horrible screams that indicated the poison was already in her system. The screams slashed through Edward as swords would. Edward ran forward and tried to save her, he tried with all his might to touch the man who held Bella tightly to his chest. However, there seemed to be an invisible force between him and the man, and Edward could not reach anywhere near them. She cried out something else, but his own growls of anger drowned her out.

After a forever, Edward was still pounding with all his vampire strength against something that was seemingly not there, - and apparently much more stronger then anything he could throw at it – the man laid Bella down across the bed. She was panting, unable to scream as the poison coursed through her vains.

Edward tried to scoop her up, he muttered words that jumbled themselves up in his sorrow. Unfortuantly, she still had a barrier up, and Edward watched as the man smoothed out his hair and redid his tie. Edward gave another feirce growl, but the man was deaf to him. Edward turned back to his beloved.

"Bella," He gasped. "I won't leave you! I swear it! Oh fuck! How could I have let this happen! I'm right here, Bella! At your side! I'm here with you! Can't you feel me!"

Bella didn't respond and Edward fell down as close as the barrier let him and he howled out his anguish.

"Can't you feel me! Why can't you feel me! I'm never leaving you again!"

The man, still familiar, like deja vu, began to gaze down at Bella's panting form. Edward sat up instantly, seeing the look on the man's face. It was a longing – and Edward didn't feel like finding out what that longing was for. He wanted to dive at the man, to rip him limb from limb painfully until his screams of pain echoed in Edward's head, but stayed where he was so he could still feel Bella's body moving the bed as she tossed and turned. Oh, how he had missed lying next to that form.

The man leant in and sucked one last time at Bella's blood, licking up the access that had spilt out as her heart pumped out its last ounces of blood. He then moved and cradled Bella in his arms and pulled at the covers. Edward sprang up, having been disrupted by the blankets, and silently he watched as this unknown man settled Bella into the bed as you would a sleeping child.

Edward watched - with a fury unknown to any mortal – as the man, showing no signs he had just destroyed the most precious and true thing Edward had known, turned to leave. When the door shut, Edward was shocked by a lynx that had suddenly sprang up from under the bed as it nestled up to Bella's breast, purring sadly.

"Edward," Bella mouthed, and for one fleeting moment Edward might have believed she saw him, but then she crunched her face up and tossed more violently.

Edward reached down and tried to hold to Bella's hand, but she was still sheilded from him. It was for the best that she didn't know he still loved her. Bella was safer now that she didn't know she had a monster who was too in love for anyone's good.

"I'll stay with you forever, Bella," Edward said in a torn voice as her thrashes became even more violent. "You will always have me to protect you."

She suddenly screamed out so loud and ear pearcingly that Edward was slightly taken aback. That was a new born screetch. He wanted nothing more then to weep. The cry had just defeated his promise. He hadn't saved her. He had practically killed her. He might as well have. He deserved to die, again.

As the door to Bella's room opened, and a female form was sillhouted by the light from the corridor behind them, the scene faded.

Edward found himself in the same position he had been when next to Bella – curled up in a tight ball. It was just a dream! Not real! Bella wouldn't leave Charlie for an eternity of nothing! It was just an illusion! A concussion caused by slamming hard into all the thick ancient oaks from Washington to British Columbia. But just as he began thinking this he looked down at his clothes.

Blood splatter. Deep dark red blood spatter. Bella's blood splatter.

He punched the pillow he rested on and the fabric burst open, unable to take the force. And ss feathers rained down upon Edward, he glared at the image he cast in the mirror.

"You failed her," he said too himself. "You fucked her over again. Useless, you are!"

Then, his face changed to a ldesperate look of longing, and he answered his angry self. "She'll live for eternity now... I can have her, I can find her again..."

"She won't want you!" He growled back.

"What can I do?" he pleaded back, his face changing to a heartbroken expression. "How can I make it up to her?"

"You can't!" He screamed back at himself. "What you _**can**_ do though is find that..." his voice shook in anger – he couldn't find a word worse enough - "and then you can kill him. That's what you want right?"

Then his sad self became one with his furious self.

"Yes. Its _**all**_ I want."


	7. Companion

This town was unsettled, unsleeping. Out on the busy streets hoards of people rushed to and from on their errands, despite the lateness of the hour. All of them jaded, simple and unknowing. The city around them was dark and dangerous, and if there weren't hundreds of them all, the shadows would consume them all and take over. Even in front of a grand hotel there were drunk men who leered at the limos who brought the Chanel draped women and Armani covered men. Women who earned their money in dark alleys with cheap men waited just two blocks down, revealing too much skin and looking eagerly at every car that caught them harshly in headlights.

And me, up on the 18th floor of the grand hotel caught every movement with my overly sensitive ears. I watched with sharp eyes every small movement that went on, smiling ruefully at the smiling girls and oggling men. I sighed and leant even further over the balcony rail to see if the door man had been brave enough to shoo away the loud, intoxicated men away from the red carpeted gold plated entrance. Not yet.

I turned just in time to see Cathy hop up onto the balcony chair as she gazed unrelentingly at my face. I laughed slightly and scratched her between her ears, she accepted my gesture and settled down, curling up into a ball and closing her eyes.

I knew she was still aware of me, still watching me with her other senses. After all, what else could she do? Neither of us ever sleept. Like this city.

"I can tell why Victoria started her new born army here in Seattle. All these people, lots of varity, scents, flavors. A blood buffet." I said darkly.

"I hate it when you talk like that," Cathy mumbled back with an edge. "But you're lucky I know you only say that when your feeling alone."

"Well, more so then usual." I replied back, and her eyes opened and met mine.

"What do you want to do then?" Cathy asked, jumping off the chair and winding threw my legs. "To distract yourself."

The door man finally got the courage to shoo away the men who had been coming too close to comfort to the large double doors that led in to this exuberant hotel. They all yelled angrily, shouting at the thin speckled young thing that wore the brass buttoned red coat and trousers. I laughed at the way he gulped and his heart thudded noisily in his chest.

"Dancing?" I suggested, shrugging my shoulders.

I focused on the noises of the city, easily distinguishing one sound from another. I could hear a movie going on five blocks away, and a little ways off from that I could hear the sounds of a car crash. At first the sounds of the world were too much, They exploded in my ears until I almost wanted to die. But only after a week I was able to calm it all down, much thanks to Cathy's calming sage-like company. Still, the car crash noises made me flinch. Finally, about six blocks east I heard "The Way I Are" by Timbaland playing out through loud speakers and a heavy base.

Cathy gave an impatient growl, knowing she had no hope in changing my mind. I knew she hated being far from my side seeing as I still was a new born and there for prone to dangerous spontaneity and overly eager strength. I could try to do something as simple as put money down onto the counter and cause the wall to crumble to the ground.

"How else will I learn to interact with the human race unless I try," I asked her as I moved back into the hotel room from the balcony.

"This is all too much trial and error. You're playing Russian Roulette with your cover, Bella!" She chided. "You need to come don off your high before you try anything like going out in public. That's how thousands have done it."

"And what am I supposed to do for those years while I await to become your ordinary vampire, hmm?" I asked her. "There's no one but you and me. No one to catch me when I fall. If I ever get into trouble I can only improve my survival skills."

"You have the Cullen's," Cathy whispered.

I laughed harsh and loud, glaring evilly at a light purple sparkling mini dress that hung in my closet. Cathy's hair bristled in fear and annoyance all at once. I spun round, taking only a minute to change out of my jeans and shirt into my party dress.

"Not going to happen," I said to her a growl pairing up with my voice, and she said nothing back. She turned from me and hopped up onto the bed and laid her head down.

Guilt ran through me, bitter poison. I threw my head back in exasperation. Sure, I had no desire to find the Cullens but I shouldn't hurt Cathy's feelings in the process of avoiding the beautiful vampire clan. I sat down next to her and stroked her thick dark fur.

"I'm sorry, Cathy," I whispered. "I know you only want what's best for me. But trust me, seeing them..." My voice broke at the end and I couldn't continue.

"Edward Cullen loves you! He won't reject you!" she said passionately.

"You don't know him, you didn't see him when I ever suggested becoming a vampire myself." I said quietly. "He sees vampires and soulless monsters. Why should I be any different?"

With that I stood up and went to the door, leaving Cathy alone in the hotel room to await my return. I wanted to forget the guilt that was coming over me in harsh waves. She was probably right, and I couldn't blame her for trying to press upon me the importance of the Cullen's and I meeting. It would start everything into motion.

But what _**was**_ everything? A war? Well then, better I avoid them all. At least that's what I tell myself.

I'm most definitely lying to myself when I say I'm avoiding them all for the better of all. I avoid them all for more selfish reasons. I am still a new born, still young and innocent, watching the humans walk by ignorant to me. I still lie about, hoping for sleep that won't come, and love from people who presume me dead. I am no self sacrificing hero, others would hunt Edward down and meet him for the better of the world. But I will skulk for ever in shadow if I must. I will stubborn avoid him, avoid the look of utter disappointment that will fill his every feature upon seeing my change. The sad pitying look in his eyes as he turns away and tells me how much he had _**loved**_ me.

As I brooded over this fact I ran threw the packed streets, a blurry shape no one can catch. I moved to fast for any of them to notice the breeze that ruffled their hair was infact me. I didn't want to spend my whole vampire life alone. After a week with only my animal half as company, I suddenly craved another vampire. Another someone to care for me, to care that I was far from home and shaken. I craved a friendly touch, an embrace.

I arrived at the club in less then two minutes, smiling and looking stunning. I casually flipped my hair back as I strutted past the long line at the door. I could see the look on the girl's faces and remembered how I used to watch Alice and Rosalie walk by me. I arrived at the door and smiled dazzlingly at the door man. He was a big man dressed all in black and looking unflappable.

He blinked when he spotted me smiling and let me in without a moment's hesitation. I brushed my hand on his shoulder briefly as I passed him, and I could imagine the look of utter bewilderment was going to be on his face for sometime. I giggled as I entered the packed and loud club.

The lights flashed in my eyes, alighting all my senses. My ears picked up the individual thumps of the hearts around me, and I smiled at the way they caused their own beat. I took a breath and could smell the different scents they all produced, but these had no affect on me, I just simply noted them then cast them away – none exceptional. The DJ held tight to his big ear phones as he dances along with the song in his raised booth. The dancers raised their hands as they let themselves go to the beat, they looked like they were praying.

Many men looked my way as I flowed into the crowd easily, spinning and twirling. I, in turn, ignored every glance. I was only here for the music, no human man would compete with that. I danced so beautifully that its tunned myself, not quite used to the way my body could now move. I raised my hands and swung my hips, closing my eyes and feeling the base create an artificial thump to my own non-existent heart.

A heavy rock song came on and the people around me began to dance more wildly, grinding to each other as if they wanted to become one person. I lowered my hands and watched them all. I could see the men holding their partners close, looking as if they were torn between continuing to dance so closely, or dragging them off and having their way with them in darkened corner. I sighed, the longing raising in me and taking me down of my dancing high.

I flowed away from the crowd, knowing where the bar was from the smell. I sat down on a purple shiny vinyl bar stool and spun round to watch the barmen shook the drinks together to the beat of the music, throwing the mixers into the air, spinning around and the catching them behind their backs. I sat there, watching their movements greedily, wanting to memorize them so I could do it too.

I was so absorbed I didn't notice what was going on around me. For instance I didn't realize one bar man was trying to catch my attention to ask me what I'd like, nor did I realize the tall man with striking features and dim red eyes sit next to me.

"Ma'am?" The bartender asked, a hint of urgency in his voice. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked to him, my gold eyes meeting his green ones that suddenly became glossed over. "W-what will it b-be?"

"Give the girl a dry martini," said the man to my right, he sounded as if he was hiding a smile at the poor bartenders stupor.

"R-right, sir," said the bartender and then he turned and tripped away.

I turned to see who my sudden admirer was and I was struck by four things simultaneously. One; I knew him. Two; He looked as if he didn't remember me. Three; he had no heartbeat. Four; He smelled fantastic.

He smelled of untampered black coffee, and smelt just the same. His scent was rougher then those I knew, but it still felt safe. I knew he gave a powerful aura, and I had to hide my impressed face. Crossing my legs and turning fully to him, I appraised him. I waited for a flash of recognition to hit his wide features, but nothing came. I felt hugely relieved as he smiled at me. He didn't have any clue who I was, or who I used to be. I eased and leant forward to him, smiling back with enthusiasm.

Ok, let's keep in mind I have never spoken to a vampire as a vampire about vampire things. I tried to go through what I could say to this man who was a large influence in my old life. But I couldn't think of anything. I covered my confusion however with a look of casualness.

"Hello there," he said smoothly. "My name's Laurent." He offered me his hand and I took it looking unsurprised though my heart leaped at the unsuspected reunion. "And you?"

I stuttered for a moment, holding my drink casually in my hands. What could I tell him? What could I possibly say? I knew I couldn't say Bella, for he wasn't as dim witted to no connect the dots. I was so surprised that he still didn't know. I had to start over, my new life was on offer in the form of Laurent. But a new name to go with that new life? I wasn't expecting to have to think it up so fast.

I had loved a man in my old life, so passionately it would seem that if he left I would die. And that's what did happen. I fell so hard for the impossibly beautiful immortal, that when he left me broken hearted for a second time, he drove me to madness. I threw myself off a cliff into a river to be born anew. It reminded me of a story I had loved as a mortal. I had committed to memory along with Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet. I had my answer.

"Ophelia." I answered so easily I could have laughed. Had I always known that this would be my new name?

"Ah, a lovely name," Laurent mused, smiling oddly at the strange name I had bestowed.

"I am surprised to see one of our kind. I thought we were more subtle," I said. "How do you handle it?"

"I just fed," he said, staring out all all the people around us. "And I have been taught control by a clan living out in the forests here. They do not eat humans, much like you."

I blinked, slightly taken aback by his observation. "How did you know?"

"Your eyes." he replied, looking back to me. "They are golden, like there's are."

"Tania's clan?" I asked, suddenly alight with interest. "I've heard of them."

"Its only natural you have, they are a large family. There are only a few in existence that large." he informed me, but I knew. I had met the two bigger families out of the three. One I loved, the other I feared.

"Are you going back to them? Or are you leaving them?" I asked. "Have I met another nomad, or another loner, longing for a home?"

He smiled an tilted his head as he tried to search me for meaning to my words. I gave away nothing, for there was nothing to give away. He put his hand upon my shoulder and rubbed my revealed skin of my neck. though both our skin was as hard as granite, I felt as if it were smooth skin rubbing against my own.

"I can take you back with me," he offered. "They have room for many, and I know I would be interested to know more about you. You will make a fine companion, I feel it."

I beamed and stood up from my stool gracefully. I offered my small hand to his, and he wrapped it up in his dark one. We walked from the club at a normal speed, both just as annoyed by our pace, and eager to get going. We reached the doors and were greeted by the dark night. The doorman looked up hopefully when he saw me, but looked back down when he saw my partner. To him Laurent gave off huge vibes of power, as he did to me.

We arrived at my hotel, and was just a blur as we raced to the stairs and then up them. He laughed aloud at my eagerness, and held tighter to me as we urged each other on. I yanked him hard as we reached my floor, and he was over powered by my new born strength.

We laughed loud and beautiful as we walked down the hall, drunk on the way we made each other feel. I felt my own unneeded breath quicken and I gazed at his bright face. It was thrilling to be with someone so unguarded. I almost didn't feel the aching loss that Edward had made in me. I almost had forgotten that the only thing that kept me moving was the fear that Edward would meet up with me and I would be faced with the look of haunting disappointment. Before I could be consumed with the beautifully disgusted face of my imagination, Laurent spoke.

"I'm glad I found you, Ophelia." He said to me, speaking softly into my ear. "You prove a good friend."

"We've only just met," I reminded him, I glanced sideways at him through my hair and saw him staring ahead pensively.

"Ah yes, but when you're as old as I, a moment of joy equals many years." he caught my eye. "You, still so young to this way, will learn these moments are hard to find in admits eternity."

I laughed at his suddenly dark tone. "Then be glad you met I, a young new born, for I still don't have your heavy heart!"

"Do I hope for many more moments?" he asked me playfully.

I considered him, wondering if I would let him down. If these moments meant forgetting, no matter how temporarily, Edward Cullen, my great and terrible love.

"Hope," I replied. "I find it's all that can get you through."

We arrived at my door and I stopped him from entering. He leaned against the wall, smiling at me as I opened the door and slipped into my room. His eyes didn't leave me until I had shut the door.

Cathy was waiting for me as always, her tail swishing impatiently. The moment I opened the door, she stood up to full attention and walked up to me. She sniffed the air as I swooped down and brushed her fur. She could smell Laurent. I knew that from the way she tried to move from my hand.

"Who is it?' She asked as I stood up with her nestled in my arms. "Where are we going so suddenly?"

"A man named Laurent, Cathy. He lives with Tania's clan, most of them peaceful, with my... habits." I explained, throwing my wardrobe I had bought with the money Tara had gifted me before sending me down to earth. "He's going to take us there, to them. See? Peaceful living with other vampires!"

She growled slightly watching me in angry silence as I changed quickly into my previous pants and white shirt attire. I knew she was thinking about Edward, and I began to think of him too. But I shoved him deep down into the deep bitter whole in my stomach. I would pay for all this forgetting, for tomorrow night, or the next time I didn't have anything else to think of, these thoughts would invade me with a vengeance.

I sat down on the bed next to my packed suitcase and waited for Cathy to come up and sit next to me, which she did. I scratched her just above her tail, where she loved me to. She arched her back and stretched out her claws.

"He won't be there to catch us." I whispered. "I want so much to count on him, Cathy. I want it so much it hurts me physically. But, after being dropped twice, I am battered, scarred, humble and a lot smarter. No one that beautiful could love me. We weren't meant to be together, he couldn't always be my savior. Now its up to me. I have to be a big girl now, I have an eternity on my own."

Cathy considered me as we sat there. It seemed forever and yet it probably was only a small moment, profound to us.

"I want to feel connected. Laurent is what I am. He makes me feel more alive then I have. Where you offer solace he seems to offer life." I whispered. "I want that, but I won't go if you object to it..."

She was silent for sometime, then spoke in a quiet voice. "I don't object, Bella. I am yours, and we will always be connected. I want to be with you, Laurent or not."

I have been blessed, I thought, and I would have said it out loud, but I think Cathy was thinking the same thing. There was a knock on the door, and I stood to let Laurent in. He spotted Cathy and raised his brow as she sat peacefully on the bed.

"Who's this?" he asked me, smiling as if my increasing oddness was even more alluring to him.

"Cathy," I responded. "She's always with me."

"And you don't crave her?" He asked, I felt goosebumps on my skin at the thought of wanting to eat Cathy, and I saw that her fur had bristled.

"She doesn't inspire craving in anyone," I replied. He arched a brow and to that I shrugged. "There is much we don't understand, she's like that, but I accept the mystery."

"And I will accept you, Ophelia, and all your mysteries." he said and he bowed down and kissed my hand. As he stood up and our eyes met, and I saw something stir deep in his red ones. "For now." he spoke, and I quailed slightly.

"For now," I consented, still trying to find out what I had seen in his eyes. "Let's go."


	8. Selfish

_**(A/N) OK, forgive the weird old english talk i have seem to adopt in some of my sentences. I am currently reading Jane Austen's Emma, and its all being absorbed into my brain like a sponge. But then again Laurent's from that time, so he can be given some room to talk like that...**_

A week later I was sitting in an ivy covered gazebo just off from the main house. If you could call it that, a _castle_ was more like it. The grey walls loomed up into the dark sky, their towers tickling the underbelly's of the rain laden cluds. Tania owned teh very large state of Denlia. And rolling grassy hills and a forest protected the clan from outsiders. The main building hadn't looked welcoming at first, to a new comer like me, it almost frightened me.

Laurent had brought me up to the doors late the next day. We had stopped along the way for me to hunt, but the moment we arrived on Tania's land I had no desire to hunt, for it felt like stealing. He laughed at how I had tried to scan the darkness for movement of anything other than wildlife.

"Ophelia," he sighed as he took my hand to make me run faster. "I doubt any of them are this far out from the main house."

When we did arrive at the main house, I almost turned around and sprinted back. In a flash I felt a sudden need for Edward, to have his safe arms around me. I wanted to bury my face in his chest and cry out all my anxiety. I wasn't shocked by my immediate need for Edward, But I was weirded out that he suddenly seemed so real to me, even though we were far apart. Maybe that's because we had talked of Tania's clan so much that it almost felt like a place that we had both been to many times, even though we never had.

We walked up the main stone steps to the door, and Laurent took hold of a huge roaring lion that he hit against the thick door twice. We stood motionless for a few moments, waiting for an answer. I was staring out at the huge expanse of the clean cut lawn.

Cathy had dispatched earlier on, wanting to travel freely through the woods on our new land, so as to get the feeling for it. I let her go reluctantly, because I feared not to have her close at such a special time. She promised she would return once we were settled. I felt her absence, but knew that it would do us good to test our limits of how far we could roam apart.

Tania opened the door, a look of intense interest across her face. I was automatically struck by her beauty. Her long strawberry blond hair fell over her doll shaped face beautifully. She had doe eyes that shone in the light and made the gold in her eyes look like fire. He lips were a light pink as she smiled eagerly in greeting me.

"Why, Laurent," She said loudly. I immediatly recognised a southrn american accent, possibly texan, that made her sweet voice evn more sweeter. "You brought a newborn!"

"She seemed quite keen to meet you, Tania," he replied, and she let out a giggling laugh as if I had flattered her.

"Really," she said with a small flick of her hand through her beautifully lush hair. "I'm nothing special." Then she turned around and beckoned me inside.

I walked through the house, brightly lit by lanterns that hung on the tall walls. There were people around, some of them watching as I walked by, others subtly looking the other way, politely hiding their interest. We arrived at a study at the end of the third floor corridor, Tania entered first, and she shooed out two vampires, a man and a woman, who looked ruffled and slightly flushed. I looked down in embarrassed apology, which Laurent gave me a gentle teasing about later.

Tania sat down on a large high backed leather chair, and beckoned me to the other one. Laurent circled the room, running his hand over the spines of the books that donned the shelves around us. I shifted my gaze awkwardly, fiddling with my hands and tapping my feet, as Tania stared at me as one would stare at an abstract painting.

"You are beautiful," she appraised and I gave a large scoff, which I could see had made Laurent smile. "What's your name?"

"Ophelia," I replied.

"Oh," Tania cried happily. "Hamlet's lover! Scorned by him and sent into madness that led to her watery death!"

"That's the one," I said, giving a shy shrug.

"You like Hamlet?" She asked. "All those kind of books?"

"Love them." I replied earnestly. "Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre."

Tania beamed approvingly. "A lit addict! Just like me!" She directed my attention to the books around us. "All the classics! And there is even another room just like this! Its open for anyone, but rarely anyone reads them..."

"Oh, I couldn't," I declined, shaking my head, foolishly resisting temptation.

"You have to!" Tania insisted, her southern accent strong in her passion. "If you are to live with us, its only reasonable you read these!"

I froze in disbelief, wondering if she perhaps was playing a cruel joke. But her wide golden eyes, that weren't as big as mine but still beautifully large, shone with truth.

"Seriously!" I cried, happily. "Thank you so much!"

I sprang up and we hugged tightly, I could feel Tania laughing and I let go of her quickly, forgetting my newborn strength. I beamed over at Laurent and ran up to him, punching him in the arm jestingly.

"I'm in!" I cheered, and we high-fived.

Laurent had showed me to my room, a few doors down from his own. It had a magnificent view of the river that lay just off from the house, and I loved the way it reflected the moon like a second sky. I was easily settled in and Cathy came in to my room through the window, for it was an easy leap form the shed door at the base of my wall, and then up onto my small balcony, and then into my room through the door I had left open.

Now I sat watching the rain gather on the gazebo's slanted roof's gutter, and then gush freely onto the grass below. I felt Cathy beside me, resting her senses into and odd sleep like state. I had taken up a book of all Shakespeare's Sonnets, and currently read Sonnet 116. I sighed and looked up, gazing out at the settled river.

"What's on your mind?" a sudden voice asked, and I sighed.

"Too much," I replied, looking over to Laurent as he leaned against the banister that paired the stairs that led up to the gazebo.

He came up and lifted the book I read form off my lap and read the title, he gave a gentle laugh.

"Shakespeare sonnets?" he asked. "You know all he speaks of is love."

"What of it?" I asked defensively, looking down at the pages in front of me.

"Nothing," he replied cryptically.

I sighed deeply. "I hope when I am old, I won't turn out as cryptically frustrating."

"We will see," he said even more cryptically. "Are we going to talk about the fact you're not at your lesson?"

"That's why you've come?" I asked him, looking up sharply. "Old Margret has sent you?"

He rolls his eyes and I set my jaw, turning to look away from him. "Do not be unkind, Ophelia. It doesn't become you."

"Its no business of yours." I snap.

Silence fell upon us, and with it came more thought. I owed Laurent a lot, after all he had brought me here, he had introduced me to Tania who in turn took me under her wing and allowed me stay here. But I was an ungrateful creature, for I would gladly trade it all for another vampire clan. My mind wise;y picked Laurent and Tania as a first choice, but in my heart I would always stubburnly know they were second best, and so that kept them an arm's length away. I looked over at Laurent, wondering if he sensed my anguish at the fact that I was nothing but a despicable tease, but he merely looked slightly offended by my sharp words.

"I'm sorry, Laurent," I said for many things he did not know and I would not say, and nor would I change.

"What truly vexes you?" He asked me, sitting next to me on the bench.

And then, drawing upon my many years of practicing the art, I answered in only a half truth. "Its them! They speak behind my back – I know it!"

"I won't deny it," Laurent said gravely.

"I wouldn't believe you if you did." I said back. "They all mutter about it, The Vampire with No Human Craving seems to be my new name. Forget Ophelia! They doubt me! They think I lie about something like this! The curde unbelievers."

"When you live forever, it is hard to believe in the unsuspcted, for everything eventually becomes mundane." Laurent replied in a sage voice so like Cathy's I fought a smile.

"Margret has even considered luring a human into the camp, to see if its true." I snarl in disgust. "I hate her."

"You don't," Laurent said soothingly. He placed his hand upon my own in an effort to comfort me, but I could take nothing from it but self hate at the way I played to his friendship. "Its just that it will take some time for the others to see what Tania sees! What I see!"

At this I stand up, unable to hear his kind words. I cross to the stairs where I can see the manor from. I close my eyes and plead silently for peace to find me, but still it alludes my grasping fingers. I want to cry, but I knew that I couldn't in front of Laurent, for he would then know it isn't just the rumors the convent spreads that plagued me.

"Do you even plan to go to any lessons?" He asks me, and I turn to see him looking at me from the bench I had abandonned him on. His face is guarded, as immobile as the bench he sat on, and I wondered why his manner had changed so. He looked as if he restrained himself from asking a question that was desperate to be asked.

"No. She cannot teach me patience," I mutter, still trying to figure him out. "Nor can she teach me control. As long as I am here in Denali I am at peace, and don't need the lectures."

"Seems reasonable," Laurent said as he stood up and made his way past me and down the steps. I furl my brow and watch as he takes slow steps away from me. I want to run after him, to beg him to confide in me what troubles him, but my concience stops me. How dare I ask him to confide in me when I am just one big deceit.

Just as I turn to go back to my brooding silence, Laurent suddenly spinned around with bright eyes. I observed him catiously, waiting for the next shift in mood.

"I know of a place, just a few miles into the forest, where you could escape the spreading word of your abilities." said Laurent, looking hopeful that I might say yes. "Its not perminant solitude, but an hour or two we could steal."

"You know what," I said, descending the stairs and taking his hand in mine. "I think that's may be an ideal plan."

He seems slightly taken aback by the possibility I doubt him, and so takes to the challenge like a fish to water. He speeds off in a direction, being slightly inept when it comes to travelling I couldn't tell you which direction, with an undeniable eagerness that seeps into my own bones like it always does. I am suddenly trying to beat him to the unknown destination, feet practically flying off the forest floor. I am free – just like I had been that first day I met him. The trees whiz by us at sickening speeds, but I do not reguard them like that, but merely navigate past them as if they weren't there. I laugh out with the volume of a newborn, but I know no one will come to see what excites me so, none of them care if I'm happy or not.

Finally, Laurent grabs me round the waste and throws me over his shoulder. I cry out and laugh as he finally leads me to a clearing. I am suddenly silenced by the sound of rushing water. I close my eyes and suddenly I feel as if I am jumping again. Jumping to my death.

I push myself of Laurent and ignore his look of hurt as I gaze around. With a sigh of relief I realize that I am not in fact in La Push. But still, I do not dare venture towards the edge, but turn to smile at Laurent, hoping to make up for shoving him hard.

"This is great." I said kindly, offering my hands to him. "Exactly what I needed."

This cheered Laurent greatly and he took my hands in his. Then, maybe sensing my slight hesitation to go towards the edge, he pulled us down onto a mossy flat rock, big enough for the both of us to sit and face each other.

"Why is it, do you think," Laurent began catiously after moments of silent staring. "That you don't have any craving?"

"I'm blessed, I s'pose," I said feebly, then I notice for the first time his eyes have gone quite dark, instaed of their usual red. "You haven't hunted lately!"

"How can you stand me?" Laurent asked suddenly. "You do not hunt the humans, nor do you believe in it, and yet you knew I did and excepted it easily. Why?"

I tried desperatly to cling to an answer, something that didn't reveal my past yet explained clrealy I did not hate Laurent's habbits. "I have no craving for human so who am I to judge your need to satisy a hunger I will never know?"

"You are wise beyond your years, Ophelia," he said softly. "But I am glad you don't shun me as most here at Denali do."

I wanted to credit this to the fact that it was from the Cullen's I had first been taught vampire edicit. That Carlisle had explained his peaceful practices in such a way I still see no reason for any other way of dealing with a fellow vampire. I had witnessed the Cullen's acts of kindness, such as pitying me, and I was even there when Carlisle had been so kind to Laurent – when James had tried to kill me.

Then I realised with a shock that Laurent had begun to speak of the same incident, though I hid my horror before he could recognise it.

"I have only ever seen kindess greater then yours when I chanced upon the Cullen's a year or so back." he mused, looking past my shoulder. "They offered me a place for solitude, there was a big deal going on at the time, some girl had seemed to take hold of a vampire named Edward, and they were planning to begin to fight for her life against an old ... partner of mine."

Never before had I considered that the incident in which I first met Laurent would ever come about. My luck in the fact he still didn't recognise me as Bella made me arrogant, and now I was quickly rushing to hide all my secrets from him.

He shook his head slowly. "The Cullen's made me feel unworthy, I looked upon them and measured their grace and kindness against my own and found myself soarly lacking in comparisson. And then there was their habbits, how firm and set they were in their diet. And Edward, resisting his human's devine blood just for love..."

Ah, so Laurent and I were not so different after all. We both had felt infinently less then worthy when around the Cullens. But even though this revelation comforted me, I knew I could hear of the Cullen's no more, in fear of spilling my secrets or being discovered. And mostly in fear of hearing Edward's name one more time.

"Why _haven't_ you fed yet, Laurent?" I asked. "I do not like to think of you as malnurished."

"I wanted to make sure you were settled first, Ophelia." he replied. "You're kind of my responisibilty, I feel, being so young."

"I can handle myself," I grumbled, though I knew had he left me any sooner I would have snapped and disturbed the peace of Denali by punching out Margret.

He snorts his disbelief as if thinking the same thing, but before I can retort he speaks again. "Well, this will be tested, for I am about to leave for Vancouver Island around dusk tonight."

"You never said!" I belted out, suddenly frightened. What happens if he does leave? Will the voltures that have been circling finally descend upon me with Margret's consent.

"Don't fret, Ophelia." he chides, brushing a lock of my long brown hair behind my ear. "I am actually taking Margret with me, for she wants to see an old friend who lives up in those moutains. You will be free of us both for about a week."

"And then you will return?" I ask, trying to rationalize with the disturbing feeling of unrest in me. What if he does not return? What if he leaves me like the last vampire did? What if I never see Laurent again? Never hear his sage wisdom?

"Yes, yes," Laurent says eaily, though I feel its starined. "You will barely notice me gone since you have Cathy to occupy yourself with, and Tania, who will be more then happy to pay you attention now that the envious eyes of Margret aren't following you."

I had to be consoled by this, and I felt a smile play at my lips. Why not buy into Laurent's words? There was nothing to fear so long as I was guaranteed his return. I craved him as a child would crave her favorite teddy. He kept away the frightening night, and yet such as a childhood teddy, he had a mark upon his head, that his glamour would soon fade as soon as the child casts him away into forgotten memories of a time once enjoyed.

"Where will you hunt while you're in Vancouver?" I ask as we resolve to walking back at a human pace. It seems as if we are both trying to delay the time of departure.

"There is a club there, where homeless and dying are brought in. It is humane enough, and I do love the gossip that is easily picked up there, if you are sitting next to the right people." He tapped the side of his nose and I smiled at his playfulness, surprised that I felt no revultion about the fact that humans are brought in to die. "I sometimes even see a few vegetarians like you in there who come mainly for the gossip."

"You are as bad as high school girls," I scron lightly, the image of Lauren and Jessica flashing in my mind's eye. "I would know..."

He laughed put loud. "You _do_ know, Ophelia, or at least more then I do on that subject, I'm happy to say."

And the moment we enter back into the house through the back glass door that has the perfect view of the lake, I see Margret whispering with Alissa, a snooty nosed vampire, both of which I know hate my ability. They stop dead when they see me enter, and with a pointed stare at me, they leave the room.

"Be careful, Laurent," I say – loud so I know they can hear me. "You travel with vultures, those who pick at a carcas till there is nothing but nothing but bones left."

"Hush, now," Laurent chides. "I don't want to leave you in ill humor." and with that he places a kiss upon my forehead. It lasts a little too long for comfort, and I notice that Margret is waiting in the doorway, watching Laurent and I with greedy eyes. "Until I return."

"Bye," I manage to say after him. "And be wary!"

He casts me a dark look, but I can see his eyes are smiling. Margret looks angry and offended, which was my intention, and so I send them both off with a pleased smile.


	9. Collection

Edward growled as he threw his back against the metal door. He was using all his strength to keep his pursuers from following him in. He gave a warning snarl but they didn't heed it, and so he continued to push away their onslaught.

"Come on!" cried a female voice from the other side of the door. "You are so ridiculous!"

"Over dramatic," agreed a male voice and then there was a growl as he tried to push open the door once more.

"I don't want to see you two!" Edward yelled.

"We don't care if you don't want to see us!" the female replied. "I am your fucking sister, Edward Cullen!"

Edward hated it when Alice played the family card. He stood up rigidly straight and stepped away from the metal door, watching with vindictive satisfaction as Jasper fell face forward onto the floor. Alice jumped gracefully over her lover so she could reach Edward. She stood there amazed for a moment, drinking him in, before giving him a hard punch across the jaw.

He growled as he turned away from the small girl who was presently standing there steaming.

"What was that for?" He yelled at her.

"For making us track your sorry scent! For making us follow you here! For making us break into a blood bank! And lastly for making us pound down a door into a blood freezer!" She yelled at him.

"I didn't make you do that!" Edward said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Our love made us do it, Edward! Our love and hope - for the both of you!" Alice said, her anger fading as she grinned.

Edward felt a cold throb in his stomach as he looked at his sister's wide fading gold eyes. Jasper was at her side suddenly, holding a satchel of blood happily, his pockets bulging from where he packed more.

Alice turned and furrowed her brow, seeing the blood. "Is that human?" the accusing note hidden well, but still detectable.

"No," Jasper said, slightly offended. "Its animal, they test on it in places like this."

Alice beamed as she took out a satchel of blood from Jasper's pockets and looked on it approvingly. She hadn't fed since they had left to find Edward over a week ago.

Edward felt forgotten and so cleared his throat to get back on track. Alice looked back on him and threw the satchel to him. He looked at it, perplexed.

"We need to celebrate!" she exclaimed. "You're coming with us, Edward."

"I'm not going anywhere until some one explains things," Edward growled stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jasper turned to Alice sympathetically. "He's been in hiding for months, did you really think he'll let up so easily?"

Alice sighed and shrugged before turning her eyes on to Edward. They were large and burnt into him.

"We were recently in Seattle," Alice began, and the cold sensation in Edward grew. "And we were at that club for vampires who like to gossip. It was something to do and Jasper thought it was best seeing as you were looking for Victoria. We thought we might get wind of her and be able to go with you as you continued to search. I worry about you now that your all alone..." She broke off, angry at things she couldn't control.

Jasper cut in. "We ran into our old friend Laurent!" Jasper explained and Edward's face lifted.

"Did he say where Victoria was?" he asked, the monster in him straining at its leash, crying out for the vampire's head.

"No, but he told us about another vampire." Jasper began, but Alice cut in.

"He knows a new born named Ophelia, who recently joined Tania's clan." Edward didn't see anything spectacular about this information, though Tania wasn't known to have fresh new born join the ranks due to the attention they could draw from their instability.

"Edward," Alice breathed, her eyes alight. "She is like none I have ever heard of. A new born, but has no craving at all for human blood. Not even a hint of desire!"

"How is that possible?" Edward asked.

"We're going to find out!" Alice beamed.

"We immediately went to Carlisle, because we thought he might want to meet her, to learn from her." Jasper explained. "But he immediately thought of you, Edward."

"What..." Edward's brow creased.

"Bella!" Alice yelled and it was as if she had shot him. Edward turned away and clenched his jaw.

"Oh god," Alice breathed, her arms suddenly wrapping around Edward. "I forgot! I'm so, so sorry! Edward..."

"What... about... her..." Edward said finally when he remembered how to speak.

"If _**you**_ learn from this new born, you could train yourself better. Maybe, even, if you tried really hard, you could even be with her again. No cravings." she said.

"I can't," Edward said in a strangled voice.

"Edward..." Jasper began but Edward gave a huge growl and he spun around quickly, ripping a newspaper out of his jacket pocket.

"A few weeks back... I saw her." Edward said in a deeply sorrowful voice. "I thought I was dreaming... She..."

"What did you do?" Jasper asked, no emotion in his small voice.

"Nothing!" roared Edward. "I _**watched**_! I fucking _**watched**_ as she was... changed." the last word came out as a sob.

"You changed her?" Alice asked, unable to hide the small bit of hope growing in her.

"No," Edward said tightly, trying to stop his body shuttering and his chest as it tried to dismantle. "Someone else did."

There were two audible gasps from Jasper and Alice.

"But who..." Alice stuttered.

"Who dared," Jasper flared up. He had love for Bella too, they all did, but the males who loved her had a more possessive side.

"Like I said, I thought it was a dream," Edward continued. "But then I awoke and I had her blood all over my shirt. I was there, but I couldn't do anything, she was protected from me... but for once I was probably the lesser of two evils."

Alice wanted to interrupt, but Jasper placed a warning hand quickly on her shoulder. Edward was passed listening to what they thought of his and Bella's relationship. He was too deep into his tale.

"Look," he sighed, and he handed Jasper the newspaper. "Three gruesome deaths toll up in New York. They think its the work of a serial Killer."

The whole room was silent as they absorbed what that meant.

"Are you sure?" Alice whispered. "I don't think Bella would be..."

Edward clenched his jaw at the name and Alice fell silent for a moment, she never realized that Edward was in such a bad shape. She thought that maybe, if anything, these months away might have dulled the pain...

"She wouldn't put herself out so young, she knows better then that." Alice whispered.

"Alice is right, Edward. She wouldn't hurt another human." Jasper said. "She's probably hiding out somewhere..."

The blond didn't like the idea of poor Bella hiding out in a rank cave for years on end... surviving on rats and dwelling on what could have been.

"Who knows what she'll do... she's a monster now..." Edward said.

In a flash Alice's face came so close, Edward had to back up in fright. Her beautiful round face twisted in anger, her black eyes growing even darker as she tried to claw at him. Jasper had his arms round her waste, her body pulled flush against his own as she struggled.

"Don't you dare!" she screamed. "She isn't! You broke her heart! And you have the... audacity to call her... I hate you! I really hate you right now! Even if Bella is changed, she's still Bella! She'll never be a monster!"

Finally she calmed down enough so that Jasper placed her on the ground, but still kept his hands firmly on her side. Edward held himself momentarily, then he broke down. The vampire stumbled forward, sobbing hard. All anger disappeared from the room as Alice jumped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Edward's heaving form.

"Its ok, brother," she whispered into his bronze hair.

"I was hanging around here hoping to catch her... to stop her..." Edward said in a strained voice. "I'll come with you. I can't handle it anymore."

"I don't think it was her," Jasper said to Alice as they followed Edward out of the freezer. "Those killings, I mean."

Alice sighed as she wrapped her arm around Jasper. "I think he was looking for something to lead him to Bella. He heard about the serial killer, and tried to fit in an explanation to give him hope..."

Jasper felt her sadness and placed a kiss on the top of her head while he subtly lowered her pain. They both watched Edward as he stalked ahead of them, the glass crinkling under their footsteps where he and Alice had broken in.

"What do you think this Ophelia can do for us?" Jasper asked. "Now that Bella..."

"If anything we all learn a little bit more when it comes to resisting the humans' blood. That could be beneficial when we find Bella." Jasper replied, looking ahead thoughtfully. "Even if Edward doesn't go out to find her, we can. We both love Bella, and we need to help her now."

Alice nodded against Jasper's stone hard chest.

"Have you tried looking into her future? Tried to see her?" Jasper asked softly.

Alice shook her head. "I can't seem to see her... I know she's moving around, like existing, but I can't see her or anything actually helpful."

Jasper lowered the aggravation that began to spike in her. She didn't need that right now. Not now that they had Edward back. They should be a cause of celebration. Wait until Esme saw him! And Carlisle...

In the distance the Empire State building loomed over them and around them people bustled by, unaware.

Soon things would be changing.

_**(A/N) Sorry it took me so long to add this up. I actually wrote a REALLY long chapter where you see the convo between Alice, Jasper and Laurent. But this is much better. Expect another chapter ion a few hours, I am suddenly really eager to write the rest of this story.**_

_**All hail summer vacations.**_


	10. Illusion

_**(A/N) I was originally going to have them on horses, riding around, but then I'm like "Wait! They'll eat the horses! HAHA..ha..ha.. not all that funny. kind of sad. and disturbing..."**_

"Come on, Ophelia!" Tania laughed in my ear as she bent down over my head. "I said you could read my books, but you're ignoring me, and I'm bored, and I have a surprise for you." the strawberry blond said, all rather fast.

I smiled and looked up into her green eyes. Her long pale hand reached out past me and took Emma by Jane Austen out of my hands. I could have held on longer, my new born strength may out last her own, but it was practically a first edition!

"What surprise?" I asked, turning around and kneeling in the chair so I faced her.

She made a great show of withdrawing a red wrapped gift from behind her back and giving it to me. I quirked an eyebrow as Tania quickly walked around to sit n the arm of the chair. She played with my long hair that had grown to the small of my back in the time spent how ever long in the Fate's care. I didn't dare cut it because I knew it would never grow back, so I kept it up in a loose bow with a thin braid wrapped around like a headband.

I had ripped through the red wrapping and now held a recent book in my hands, which was odd until I saw the cover.

"Love Letters of Great Men," I said, turning to her and watching as my hair fell out of its bun. She loved doing that, and though it annoyed me to death, I didn't have the heart or the energy to scold her.

"Isn't it perfect! I saw it on and immediately thought of you," she beamed taking the book out of my hands and looking through it.

"What's the occasion? And why, on _**earth**_, did you think of me?" I asked.

Her stunning face fell and her large golden eyes looked down at me, and I was reminded of a toddler who found out their parents forgot their birthday. "You don't like it?"

I gave a small disparaging noise and smiled sweetly. "Of course! I love it, Tania."

The woman's bright face could have lit up the deepest cave. She handed me back the book, and brushed five thin white finger's through my hair. "Well, its been a month since you came, so its kind of like an anniversary gift! And I thought of you because... well..." she flushed as if embarrassed.

"Spit it out," I said, my eyes and voice both guarded.

"Well, I heard that you... and Laurent..." she still couldn't say the whole sentence, but maybe it was because my face had grown very drawn out.

"What," I whispered.

"I don't mean to be the interfering mom! Or the overly interested sister!" she looked down at me. "But that's what I heard..."

"W-well, its so not true!" I floundered, my eyes large and imploring, as if Tania could make the nasty little rumor go away.

"I knew it!" Tania cried. "Not that he's a bad guy or anything... but he's not for you. You belong to someone else."

"I don't know what you're..." I said slowly.

"Me neither," she said slowly, playing up her southern accent to appear more innocent. "But you kinda give off this 'taken' vibe. You'd have many more of the males here after you, but you radiate this protected vibe."

I wanted to cry, and so I looked down at the book to distract myself. But I was holding a book all about love, and that didn't help.

"I don't think that's true..." I whispered to the book. "I'm... dead to everyone in my old life. Some by my choice... others chose it themselves."

I felt her hands in my hair and fought the urge to cry that came on strong once more.

"Well, I'm glad I have you, Ophelia..." she whispered to me. "I'll never let you die to me."

"An easier task then those in my old life had - now I'm immortal." I said in a soft voice. Could she tell I was close to tears?

"Well, you know me. I'm southern beauty! I'm used to getting things easy." she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "And your easy to love, Ophelia! And so manageable!"

I laughed, remembering how difficult the Cullen's how found taking care of me. Then the name Cullens sent another stake through me, and I found I was close to tears again.

"Ugh. I suck." I claimed as I shook my hands in effort to calm myself.

"Sunshine!" Tania yelled out, and I turned to look at her. "You need sunshine!"

I turned my black eyes to the storm clouds outside. Tania could see the skepticism in my actions, and beamed.

"Its _**going**_ to be, come on!" She cried out.

Her thin hand held to mine and she wrenched me from my chair. Tania walked with me threw the hallways of her mansion, and I noticed that people left me well alone when I was with her. It seemed her power in this clan shielded me from all the rumors. Maybe Laurent actually increased the rumors and snide remarks behind my back...

Tania and I walked on to the grounds and sat by the lake. The dark blue water winked as small gentle waves splashed up on the small ring of pebbles. Tania's light strawberry blond blew in the wind as she smoothed out a pebble and tried to skip it on the water's surface. It sunk.

I curled my legs up and hugged my knees to my chest. My head rested against the limbs as I searched Tania's face. I felt very much at peace as I watched her golden eyes watched herself roll another stone in her hands. I never thought I could feel attached to another vampire as I had been, as I was, to the Cullens. But I proved that I was just as affectionate, just as loyal, as I was in immortality as I had been in mortality.

Now I could count Tania as a friend. Someone who made each day worth getting up for. She was just as close as Alice had been.

Damn it! I thought about the Cullens way too much.

"Hey," Tania said suddenly. Obviously I hadn't hidden my depression well enough. "What is it?"

I shook my head, unable to speak as I tried hard not to think about the Cullens, and finding out that trying that only strengthened my thoughts and feelings towards them. I tried to squash them down, but found I couldn't. My eyes were wide as I saw Edward's face flash in my face. His beautiful eyes black and fixed. I rubbed my face and as I did I remembered the exact booming sound as he chortled with Emmett. I almost could swear I felt Alice's arms wrap around me.

"Ophelia?" Tania asked, suddenly anxious. I wonder if I looked as pale and shaken as I felt.

Was I at the river bank with Tania? Or was I suddenly lying next to Edward in a golden bed?

"Edward," I whispered to my invisible companion, and suddenly I found I was being shaken.

"Ophelia!" I heard Tania whisper. "Ophelia, what did you just say?"

"What..." I opened my eyes and saw that I was actually on the river banks with Tania.

My heart sunk as I realized how much i really wanted to return to my illusion. I had felt so content. I didn't realize it before, but I needed him! I needed them all! I wasn't content, I was lying to myself.

"I was thinking," I whispered. "About Edward Cullen."

Tania's head dipped back as she blinked steadily, trying to figure me out. "You know him?"

I moved and hugged her tightly to my body, trying to tell her I loved her as well as I could with out words.

The Fates were right. Cathy was right. And I was wrong.

I was Edward Cullen's love. And he was mine. I wasn't me when I was without him. I wasn't Bella. I was Ophelia. Ophelia was a lie.

"Ophelia?" Tania asked me, trying to pull out of my grasp. "What's wrong? I know Edward, too. But how do you..."

I let her go and stood up. Tania looked up at me from her sitting position, and then she stood up too. Her hand took hold of both of mine again. But I withdrew after squeezing tightly at her hands and kissing her cheek.

"Its time for me to go." I whispered and her eyes widened in shock and protest.

I had expected her to try to stop me.

What I didn't expect was...

_**(A/N) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. have to love a cliffy.**_


	11. Stays

"Ophelia!" someone cried out.

Tania creased her brow as she looked past my shoulder. I was turning when I suddenly found myself falling sideways. I let out the loudest scream my new born lungs could give me as I was suddenly plunged into deep murky waters.

I screamed as I thrashed around in the water. I couldn't move, I floundered and tossed, completely freaked out. Why was under the water?! I struggled hard against the weeds that had wrapped around me and now refused to let me go. I was screamed out and kicked my legs hard. I kept flashing back to that night I had killed myself... what if I was dying again?! and just after my epiphany!

Rocks suddenly came around me and I found I was no longer in the water. I still couldn't stop shouting despite it. I was shaken, my recent memories of Cullen's had brought on memories on so strong... and so it was only natural I would remember all the bad things too.

"Sorry," someone was saying sheepishly at me. "I didn't know..."

"What did you do to her?" I could ask someone else ask.

I thrashed madly around in my stone cage and I heard grunts as someone struggled to keep me there. My eyes were scrunched close as I tried to fight off all the images.

"I'm dead," I screamed, arching my back in effort to break free. "I'm dead! I've died!"

"Ophelia!" said a familiar southern voice. "Calm down, love. You aren't dying..." cold hands, not as cold as the water, pressed against my face and stroked my drenched hair from my twisted face.

I risked an opened eye and saw Tania staring down at me, her eyes even wider then usual in fear. Laurent held me close, my body uncomfortably close to his own. I clenched my eyes closed again. I couldn't handle this.

"You need a shower..." Tania said, wrinkling her nose. "That pond is nasty!"

I pushed against Laurent angrily, and he dropped me. I stood up well on my own, my eyes narrowed to the point of closed. His face was contorted in worry, and so I scowled at him. I contributed my mental freak out to him. I took a step forward a teetered, having to be caught by Tania.

"I'll help." she said kindly.

I was sent to my room, where I had my own shower. Tania was waiting for me in my room as I walked slowly into the cream colored space. I turned the hot water on only, and stepped in fully clothed. My forehead was placed against the bathroom wile as I closed my eyes and let the water pour over me.

It took me a full half hour to finally ground my head and stabilize myself so I could slip off my clothes and wash my long hair out. I was shaking noticeably as I let the water fall onto my head, down my face, across my shoulders, down my chest... I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.

"You're not dead," I whispered to myself. "You are fine! You are going to get over it and get going."

I repeated this affirmation to myself until the water began to get cold. I turned it off and stepped out, reaching for a towel as I did.

"I heard what happened." I let out a squeal as I saw Cathy looking at my from the bathroom counter.

"Yeah," I said after I got my unneeded breath back. "We're going to Edward. I need him."

"I told you so," the cat said, licking her paw in a very dignified matter.

"Whatever," I grumbled. She'll never let me live it down.

Tania was sitting on my bed, flipping through Jane Eyre as she waited for me to be ready to face her. When she saw me come out she beamed and ran up to me.

"Are you ok?" she asked me, running her hand down the side of my face."You totally freaked!"

"I know," I sighed, burying my head in my hands. "I'm so mortified. I didn't expect it, that's all."

"I've never seen anyone so freaked out by water." Tania said delicately.

"Its a very long story," I hedged, going to the wardrobe and routing through the clothes.

"I have time," Tania offered, making me close my eyes momentarily before pulling out my favorite jeans.

"But I don't, Tania," I whispered to the wardrobe. "I'm still leaving."

"You're in no shape!" she cried out, standing and putting her hands on her hips in a very Tania-ish way. Her pink lips puckered as she gave me a hard look. "I won't let you."

"You'll hold me captive?" I asked, having to smile at this.

"Uh... Yeah!" she said, defiant.

"How about I get all packed, and we can have one last meal together," I offered, trying hard to smile. "Seeing as our last hour was interrupted."

"I guess so," she said grudgingly. "Oh! Can I invite a few people?"

"What do you mean?" I asked picking out a blue short sleeved top. "I don't think anyone else likes me..."

"Don't worry. I know who to invite," she sighed, fluttering her impossibly long eyelashes.

There was a knock at my door and Tania sprung up, beating me to it. She threw it open happily, and beamed at Margret who stood on the other side. Tania clapped her alabaster hands happily, as if she already knew what Margret had to say.

"They're here," Margret announced, though it felt unnecessary, her eyes finding me past Tania's gleeful expression.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her, my eyes glittering as she raised an eyebrow. Cathy gave a low hiss as she jumped up onto the chair next to me. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was mostly her fault the rumor about Laurent had spread. I stared at her grayish lips she refused to make up. I hated the cow.

"Who's here?" I asked Tania, ignoring the proud way Margret's chin trusted forward as she realized she knew something I didn't.

"Don't. Worry." Tania laughed at me, throwing her head back to wink.

"You don't know, Ophelia?" Margret asked me from the door.

"Shh," Tania said to Margret. "You two are as bad as cats in a bag."

Cathy gave a disapproving yelp which made Tania laugh and Margret and I clench jaws. The violent new born in me wanted to jump out and rip Margret's head off. But I just bunched my hands into fists instead.

"I better go welcome our guests," Tania said, she turned and tutted as she saw my fight ready stance. "Ophelia... come on! Lighten up!"

"Sorry, Tania," I sighed, pretending to smile brightly.

The strawberry blond giggled and shook her head. "You're hungry. Margret, can you send up some lamb's blood for Ophelia? I reckon she's a darn side thirsty by the black of her eyes."

I gave Margret a large beaming smile as she scowled blackly back at me. Tania ran over to me, kissed my cheek then she made to walk out of my room, passing Margret who still hadn't moved. Tania placed a warning hand upon Margret and gave her a hard look as she did so. It was a lot less friendly then my reprove and so I smiled vengefully as she slammed my Doro and stalked away.

"We can attack her on our way out," I growled to Cathy who had dug her claws into the cushion of the chair.

"She wouldn't feel it," Cathy said.

I sat down on the bed and stared at the wall opposite. Cathy came and jumped up next to me, hitting her head against my arm for attention. I sighed and began to stroke her long dark fur that felt just as soft as it had the first time I ever stroked her. My face frozen as my mind spun.

What was going to become of me?


	12. Fight

_**(A/N) If your chapter 11 ended with Bella saying "I guess so" then re read it again. Stupid computer never listens to me.**_

Tania glided down the stairs two at a time, thinking the newcomers couldn't have come at a better time. They were truly a gift from heaven, a real save. It was because of them that Ophelia was staying. Tania could keep her new friend even longer and see her old friends again!

She stopped right outside the doors to the sitting room that was sanctioned especially for important guests and looked up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and imagined seeing her father smiling down on her. He was her luck, he had given her this opportunity. She could practically see his round face that was so like her own scrunching up into a smile.

With a deep breath, she then turned the crystal door handle and pushed open the door.

"Hey, y'all!" She said happily, meeting the sight of all seven Cullen's hunched around Alice.

Automatically Tania could sense the upset in the room, and she leaped in and joined the huddle. Alice Cullen was sitting on the couch, her eyes large and unseeing as she held tight to he lover's, Jasper Cullen's, hand. Everyone's brows were creased in obvious dismay as Alice's mouth hung open.

"Is everything alright?" Tania whispered, looking across to Esme, the Cullen Tania most identified with. Both vampires had big hearts and love openly.

"Alice is trying to have a vision," Esme replied, glancing up and meeting Tania's eyes.

"Trying?" Tania asked, creasing her brow.

Alice suddenly inhaled deeply as she came back to the present time. She moved a small delicate hand to her brow and rubbed the stone like skin around in effort to relax the muscles there. Jasper had no eyes but for her as she slowly relaxed.

"Did you see her?" Jasper asked. "Anything?"

"I keep getting glimpses. Nothing at all helpful." Alice clipped. "Its like back when Victoria was trying to hide her plan."

"Do you think Bella is trying to hide?" Carlisle asked.

"No, its not illusive images," Alice answered. "Its like a struggle. She's trying to be seen, to be known."

"What are you seeing?" Jasper asked, placing a chiseled hand to Alice's side.

"I first saw water, rushing and overwhelming. Then I saw two sets of gold eyes. Now I see blood, splashing. Then I heard a huge a crash, just very angry."

"Well, that's just frustrating," Tania said, feeling slightly out of her element.

Everyone looked at her as if they hadn't actually realized she was in the room. They all straightened out and smiled, looking slightly strained, as they moved in to shake Tania's hand.

"Thank you for welcoming us in such short notice," Carlisle said, moving aside to let Rosalie shake her hand.

"Oh, you know your family is always welcome here," Tania said happily.

"I assume Laurent filled you in on why we came." Carlisle said as they all sat down on the fat comfortable seats.

Tania swept her eyes over them all. They were all beautiful, just like all vampires were. Rosalie had to be the most classic beauty of them, and Tania always felt a slight stab to her dignity as she realized Rosalie was more pretty then she. Her eyes then fell on Edward and was taken aback by how much he'd changed. No vampire could age, but he seemed to have managed to look worn down to breaking point. His eyes were golden but had the deep purple raccoon markings around his eyes, and his skin, instead of the oddly glowing white, was dimmed and drab. He stuck out like a sore thumb, his misery pronouncing him.

"You look like the backside of a horse, Edward," Tania declared, stunned.

He swiveled his eyes slowly to look at her. She had once been smitten with him, but the Cullen never returned her admirations, and she slowly became immune to his off kilter beauty until she was more like a cousin to him.

"Yeah, I've been told," he said darkly, placing his hand to the bridge of his nose after brandishing it at the other six Cullens.

"So," Tania said, bringing her legs up and crossing them in her chair. "Why do you want to see Ophelia?"

"We've heard about her odd ability." Carlisle replied. "We wanted to speak to her... find out more about it."

"You know how we are, Tania," Esme explained. "Her wisdom would be so beneficial to our way of life. Help all of us in so many ways."

Was it just Tania or had Edward mumbled something like 'Too late'? And had everyone in the room temporarily looked to him?

"She's a hard nut to crack," Tania said, she knew the Cullens' hopes were vain. Ophelia never said a thing about herself. "She becomes a mute when asked about herself."

"We'd find a way to discover her secrets," Edward mumbled, and he placed a hand to his temple.

"I don't know if I like that," Tania said, stiffening slightly.

Every one of the Cullens' eyes became sharper as they looked at Tania.

"She's my friend! She's very, very close to me. I care about her." Tania began. "I know I'm supposed to love everyone in my clan equally, but she's my only new born, and she's fragile."

"New borns are less fragile then us old vampires," Jasper said. He would know, Tania consented, but Ophelia was different.

"You don't understand." Tania sighed. "She's different. She was about to leave today, but I convinced her to stay. That's to _**your**_ benefit."

"And yours," Edward growled. Tania gave him a stern look, she forgot to close her mind to the man. Her mind went off reciting her favorite rambling quotes from the show Gilmore Girls, as she continued to speak. Edward's eyes glittered at her.

"You need to go easy on her! She's frazzled." Tania defended.

"We understand," Carlisle placated. "But we came all this way, we need information."

"I don't know, Carlisle. You might scare her off, corner her. I won't have her last night ruined because of what ever seems to have possessed you all." Tania said, her whole face alight.

She hated how they always came and tried to pull the light over her eyes. Tania's estate was a shelter for lost vampires looking for refuge from the human world. But when the Cullens came they were the separate entity, they didn't invite anyone into their confidence, they just used Tania's house, then left again.

Tania wasn't an idiot. She could see through what ever veil they were trying to wrap her up in. They wanted this information bad, and it was because of that Bella girl. Tania didn't know who she was, but if they wanted to know how to resist blood it either meant Bella was human, or she was a vampire that was having trouble with cravings.

There was a sudden noise outside, a great cracking noise as if two rocks were crashing into each other radiated from just a little ways down the corridor. Alice Cullen sprung out of her chair, her eyes wide and eager.

"That's it!" she cried loudly over the noise, pointing at the closed door. "The noise!"

Everyone in the room creased their brow, looking up at her, trying to figure out what she was talking about. Alice made an impatient hand gesture towards the door, and everyone turned to look there too, still frozen with confusion and shock.

"Its from my vis-"

The door splintered as something was thrown into it, it formed the shape of a fat butt. All seven of the vampires in the sitting room sprang to their feet, snarling. Suddenly the door was broken, thick pieces of wood still swinging on the hinges.

Three vampires all came tumbling in, all snarling loudly and throwing sound cracking punches at one another. One screech dominated all other noises, the screech, of a new born.


	13. Rage

_**(A/N) This is Bella's side of how she ended up crashing the Cullen's conversation.**_

I stood up from my bed after a few long moments of silence. I still needed to get ready to leave. How did Tania convince me to stay? I should have left already... not getting ready for super with strangers... Maybe she was able to convince me because the water had thrown me out of my head space. Suddenly being Bella was too much... sure, Bella was Edward's love, but she was also dead.

"I almost drowned today," I confided in Cathy.

She gave a low growling hiss as she stood and turned to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"Laurent came home, and he was very... enthusiastic to see me. He ran at me and hugged me, but wasn't able to stop and we wound up in the lake." I shivered as I recalled the sense of water filling my mouth, nose and ears.

"Bella!" Cathy called and I opened my eyes to see I had tensed my fingers so tightly the wardrobe door had splintered under the force.

"Yikes," I breathed. "I forget my own strength."

I undid the not that held my towel in place and watched as it fell to the floor. My body had changed, it was older now, not by much, but noticeably enough. My stomach was harder then what I was used to, but still soft as it always had been. I grabbed my favorite pink panties and matching bra, then slid my jeans up my legs and did the button. I then slipped my blue t-shirt over my white upper body, and noticed with a sigh that the color change wasn't much of a change for me, seeing as I had practically always been whiter then normal.

I turned to walk into the bathroom, and Cathy jumped off the bed to get there first. I smiled as I felt her excitement well up in me. I was about to leave my old life behind and start my journey to become the vampire I was always meant to be - Edward's. I bit my lip as I realized how much I _**wanted**_ that, how much I _**wanted**_ him.

I was startled by the image that stared back at me in the mirror. How long had it been since I truly saw myself? My skin had gone whiter then vampire's white, the black eyes that stared at mine showed no trace of gold. The raccoon eyes even darker then what they had been only 15 minutes ago.

"I am starving," I sighed, placing long white fingers against the under lid of my eyes to pull it down and get a better view at the black eyes. "I didn't even notice..."

I put on some lipstick over my dead looking white lips, and then some light eyeliner around my black eyes, noticing that only made them look more ominous. I gave a start and had to close my eyes.

"I don't even look like myself," I whispered to Cathy.

"You have changed Bella, in many ways, but you are still you." she said back gently, and I felt her head rest against the hand I was bracing myself with. "You're just hungry."

I gave a deep breath to steady myself and nodded, opening my eyes I was able to see myself properly, past the off putting danger assets. I still had eyes that were bigger then normal, and my face held the heart shape it had always been, even my lips were still large.

I set to combing out my now ridiculously long hair with a pearl handled brush as my mind went off to day dreaming about Edward. I hadn't realized how much I longed for him, the touch of his hand upon my skin, the light brush of his lips... the touch of his body... Suddenly there were whole new things I wanted from him. I wanted all his love, duh. But suddenly there was something lying beneath my love for him, something that lied in my lower belly. All I had to do was just imagine him next to me, kissing me, and what ever that something was would wake and start to ache.

"I'm just hungry..." I whispered, my eyes fluttering open. "Really hungry..."

There was a knock on the door and I sprung up, my head sighing; a distraction. I danced over and threw it open, revealing Margret. I gave out an audible groan as I looked at her, her eyes hard and proud,her chest stuck out in defiance, in her hand a very large pint of blood.

"Thought it would be Tania coming to fetch you?" she asked me waspishly.

I grabbed the blood from her hand, fully intent on slamming the door in her arrogant face when she held out a hand to stop it. I gave her the most vicious stare I could muster, not wanting her to invade on my personal space.

"I need the glass back," she said to me.

I shrugged nonchalantly, trying my best not to show how her presence upset me, and chugged back the enormous amount of blood I had been given. It wasn't as good as the fresh stuff, the stuff I could have gotten if I stole away for an hour to hunt, but I knew Tania was trying to keep me close, if only for a little longer. I sighed, having finished every last drop.

I gave a low appreciative growl, and handed the jug to Margret, unable to be mad at her. The blood had been very reviving. She accepted it in her hands then cleared her throat to indicate to her chin. I creased my brow as she pretended to wipe something away. I raised my own hand to my chin, and felt the cold stickiness there, made an 'O' with my mouth, then went off to the bathroom to wipe it off.

I was pleased to see the flush that returned to my cheeks, making me back to the normal vampire white and then some. My eyes danced gold, making me smile brightly and notice that my lips had become fuller and darker. I looked scary, I always would, but I now looked pretty. I took a towel to my chin and dabbed at the splash of blood that had been left.

I was just putting in a Barret to keep my bangs out of my face when I saw Margret still hadn't left, and was now watching me from the bathroom door. I blinked, staring at her, giving her clear 'get out now' vibes, but still she didn't budge. I turned to the mirror to put my hair up into a pony tale as I spoke.

"Is that all, Margret," I asked in a lofty voice, trying my best to hide how annoyed I was. She wasn't going to ruin my blood high.

"You think you're so special," She hissed at me.

"Its healthy to have self-esteem,"I said back, fighting the growl that threatened to rip across my chest.

"Yeah, but you're wrong!" She said back, making no effort to contain her own growls. "You don't even know who just showed up! Tania hid it from you! But she _**told**_ me."

"She probably wanted you to wait on them,"I said back, keeping my eyes firmly fixed on my mirrored image.

"How dare you!" she cried, indignant. "I don't serve guests!"

I made to move, first indicating to the glass she was now clenching in her hand, before I swept past her. I was glad that I was slightly taller then her, giving me the opportunity to look down my nose. She looked so incredibly toad like. Cathy slunk after me, her tail held up high in the air to show even she felt superior in Margret's presence.

"I was told to give it to you," She growled, her brow creasing to the point her eyes were covered by the heavy brow. "I only gave it to you because I was _**ordered**_ to."

"That's what waiters do," I said slowly to her, as if addressing a stupid person, which I kind of was.

She made a low howl of a noise as she threw the jug in my direction. I dipped low just in time and it whizzed over my head and crashed into the wall opposite. I noticed Cathy ready to pounce and claw Margret's eyes out, so I launched myself at the lynx and caught her just in time. I wasn't about to risk the feline just so she could fight my battles.

"What's going on in here?" Laurent had showed up and took the scene in in a one second glance. "Cool it, Margret. Ophelia, what the hell?"

"I wasn't the one throwing jugs!" I yelled indignantly, holding even tighter to Cathy as she struggled to get at Margret. "She's the crazy bitch!"

"I was here long before you, Ophelia," she spit out my alias. "Its my confidence that Tania indulges! Not yours!"

"Oh yeah," I called. "I bet I could go down stairs, stick my head in and see who was there, and Tania wouldn't give a crap!"

Margret was silent for a minute, no doubt weighing her options. I stood frozen at the opposite side of the room, keeping Cathy in my arms just in case I dropped her and she attacked. Finally Margret's eyes found mine, they were hard and defiant; they were up to the challenge.

"You're on," she growled, sticking out her chest. "Follow me."

I cocked my head to the side, thrust my chin forward and smiled. "Anything you say."I said back, just as sure of myself.

I let Cathy out of my arms, thinking she would stay in the room, which she often did when I was off with other vampires. So I was surprised to see her wind through my legs, then trail at my heels as I went to follow Margret.

Laurent had stood there silently for a moment as Margret passed him, then I, then Cathy, before he turned and made to follow too. I was too intent on proving Margret wrong that Cathy had to give a low meow so I realized he was there.

"What do you think you're doing, Laurent?" I asked him, stopping up short and turning to look at him.

Margret sensed that I wasn't walking after her, and she spun around and saw me talking to him. She gave a low hiss as she called back to me.

"Are you chickening out?" she called, I could hear the fact she was close to cackling.

I spun around, my eyes burning. "Hell no," I shouted at her. "Are you?!"

"Me?!" She couldn't help it this time, and a evil cackle escaped her mouth. "I can't wait to get your new born butt out of here!"

Margret then turned and started walking, and I walked too, my feet pounding down on the floor, my eyes staring into the back of the head hoping to set those disgusting attempts of black ringlets on fire. Laurent was next to me in a flash, almost smiling.

"That's why," he said. "I'm not leaving you two on your own. You'll rip each other to shreds."

"Here's hoping," I growled low and fierce, Cathy adding her own hiss into the noise.

We walked down the steep stairs that were covered in red carpet, the lamps on the side turned up now that night was finally descending. Not many were around, all probably out taking advantage of the time to hunt. Or maybe scared out of the way after they heard Margret and I shouting. We arrived at a long hallway, at the end of it were double doors that were shut. Though I was far away I could hear the mutterings of different voices, but was unable to discern them.

"On you go," Margret said, placing her hands on her hips.

"Aw," I said, fluttering my eyelashes. "You're not coming with me?"

"Sure," She spat back at me, here eyes dancing with resentment. "I can't wait to watch Tania tear a strip out of you."

I started down the corridor, but then I felt a grip around my arm and turned to see Laurent's large eyes trying to appeal to me. I tried to shake him off, but his hand stayed insistent on me.

"What is your problem?" I asked, my anger making me uncouth.

"Tania doesn't let anyone near the special sitting room, Ophelia!" he said, his eyes large. "Margret is just setting you up to get kicked out!" I froze.

I hadn't told him I wasn't going to be staying... he had no idea! It wasn't as if I was hiding that from him, I just didn't want the scene that would no doubt ensue. I had no interest in him past friendship, but I knew he had things in mind for us. Things I didn't want from anyone but Edward. There was that ache in my lower belly again, a dull fire.

A spiteful laugh broke through my thoughts, and I spun to see Margret's eyes glittering at me and then at Laurent.

"Don't you know?!" She cried, giving another laugh.

"Shut. Up." I growled, stepping away from Laurent as far as his hand would let me.

"I guess I was wrong, she obviously doesn't love you enough to tell you!" she was talking slowly, drawing out my stress.

"I'm warning you," I said, my threatening growl rumbling dangerously up from my chest. Margret turned and quirked her most evil smile yet, and that's what did me in.

"She's leav-"

I ripped out of Laurent's grasp when he wasn't expecting it, using all my pent up strength that still over powered him with my newborn strength. Roaring with anger I threw myself at Margret whose smile had frozen on her white face. The sound shook the ground we had fallen onto.

I got up on my knees and started throwing punches down on her face, snarling loudly as I did so. My anger had bypassed all my thought. I was not Bella, but I was a newborn who had just been pushed past her limit.

I could see Laurent coming at me from the left just in time to bow down and hold to Margret as he side swept me and had all of us rolling down the hill in and odd ball. I could feel Margret throwing her fists into my back, making me cry out as I felt the blow in my lower back. We stopped about halfway down the hallway, and all stood up and launched back into the far at the same time. Laurent had me around the waist, trying to throw me off Margret, but even as I fell back a few feet, Margret followed after, throwing punches.

I gave a low growl of pain as one punched me square in the stomach. I twisted in Laurent's arms, reeling form the fact she was able to do that; that her fat fists were able to inspire pain. I heard a sound I never wanted to hear at that moment; Cathy's low hiss. I didn't mind pain, hell I was already forgetting I had been hurt, but I wouldn't live if Cathy was hurt.

She came and bit hard into Margret's advancing ankle as she tried to walk up to me again. I gasped out, suddenly limp in Laurent's arm as I watched the scene in slow motion. Margret had gave a sharp howl as she looked down at the offending creature, and then she kicked out and Cathy was sent soaring threw the air. I gave a whimper as I watched her turn and spin in mid air before she fell hard on the stairs we had descended.

I didn't know what was happening, my anger blurring my vision. I now understood the turn 'seeing red'. I glared hard at Margret, and she seemed to shrink against the anger in my gaze. I gave out a shriek as I picked Margret up and threw her further down the hallway. She seemed to have been implanted in the door for a moment before falling on her face.

Laurent tried to come up behind me, but I heard him coming and flattened against the floor and watched him fly over me. I smirked as I watched the two of them come to their senses. I growled and joined in once more.

I don't know how it happened, but soon Margret had me again and was shoving me hard into the door again. I cried out as I felt the hard door hit me and I lost all the breath out of my lungs as I cried out in shock and pain.

Laurent and Margret had joined in too, and I wasn't even aware that seven other vampires were peering down at us, or even who they were, until their hands plunged into our fight, and wrenched us all away from each other.


	14. Realization

I was still glaring hard at Margret through my tear filled eyes as I heard Tania speak. There was a hint of reproach in her tone, but not enough to prove Margret right.

"Ophelia!" Tania gasped. "What ever happened?"

"She hurt Cathy!" I yelled, straining against hard arms that were holding my own behind my back. "She's a complete cow! I wish she died!"

"Cathy is in no more danger then you are of being hurt, Ophelia," Tania sighed, but then her eyes fell to my clothing and her brow creased. "Well, _**are**_ you hurt?"

"A bit." I said in a resigned matter before I flared up again. "But what does it matter-"

There was a huge breath taking growl and I went limp momentarily, relying on who ever was holding me to keep me up. I shook my head briefly, moving my hands and touching my stomach. I couldn't explain what was going on in my body at that moment, but I knew I liked it, and knew I never wanted it go go away. I guess I could compare it to having been walking around for years with only one leg, but never knowing it, and then suddenly gaining back your other missing leg, and realizing how much pain you had been enduring for miles and miles.

Something best described as second nature made me give a responding growl, as I twisted violently around in my captor's arms. I was impressed with the sound I had just made, and knew that he was impressed too. My captor made the mistake of trying to continue holding me too him, and so I counted to 3 then flew out of his arms, and somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized the booming exclamation.

My eyes searched hungrily for the face and another growl came from the corner of the room, prompting me.

I let out a long, long sigh as I met those gold hard eyes. The rest of the world fell away to a meaningless dust as I watched him take a step towards me. He seemed just as oblivious to the rest of the room who were presently exclaiming happiness at my sudden appearance. I raised my arms in invitation, my eyes wide and my face smiling. I saw his hesitation, he had hurt me so many times...

"Its me, Edward," I whispered in the hush surrounding us. "I'm yours."

I watched with a beaming smile as he moved up to me, faster this time. I wished he would smile, instead of looking so serious, but maybe he couldn't be happy yet... I suddenly knew what he wanted was to just touch me for now, just to make sure I really was here.

I waited patiently as he finally made his way to me. He was still taller, but he seemed so less cared for. I remember how he glowed and drew me into him when we first laid eyes on one another. Then I went a little further down our time line and remembered how he had looked after I saved him from the Volturi. He had looked oddly worn down then too... but not compared to this.

Before I could stop myself I made first contact. My hand slowly made its way to his face, my eyes wide with wonderment as I finally made the first move. His face was soft and chiseled. I could see a god hunched over, chiseling away at the beautiful soft stone that would become Edward's face. I closed my eyes and sighed, wondering how I could have imagined _**ever**_ going on without it.

"Will you come with me?" I heard him whisper through the warm mush that had covered all my insides.

I nodded, suddenly unable to speak. I could hear his soft laugh and felt myself chuckle too. What was wrong with us.

"Hop on." he said gently, and I obeyed, still with my eyes closed, not wanting to end this fabulous dream.

I knew where to put my legs even though I couldn't see, because I knew where Edward was. It seemed impossible not to know his exact height, or where to wrap my arms. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, and sniffed at it curiously. I knew he wouldn't smell the same, but I didn't expect him to smell better. It was a different smell now, but it was even more attractive to me. I could have followed that scent any where now.

"You won't escape me now," I whispered as I felt the smell of him enter me and store itself deep in my heart. I'll never be the same.

"I never wanted to," he whispered back.

"Then why-"

"Shh, let's get away first..." He said and I nodded slowly. I could wait to ask him the questions. I knew we had forever.

I felt the air rush through my hair and knew that we were running through the house. I thought momentarily of Cathy lying on the stairs. I opened my eyes quickly, suddenly afraid. We were outside by this time, the forest edge coming fast towards us, faster then I would have been able to run up to it, even with my new born speed. My fear for the lynx disappeared because I knew Tania would care for her.

We were deep in the forest before he showed any sign of slowing. It was all of a sudden that he stopped, dropped me, caught me again, spun me round, and backed me up into a tree. He was a rush of kisses and hands that seemed to have multiplied from their usual number. I crushed against him, unafraid of the fact he was a marble god, because I was now his marble goddess. He was gentle until I crashed into him, his kisses were as soft as butterflies. Now they were hard demanding kisses, kisses I had read about, scene in movies, but never truly experienced. Until now. Edward was a man, and I was a woman. Together we were in love.

"Talk!" I suddenly gasped, though my hands were pulling at his shirt, willing it out of his jeans. "We need- to talk!" My breath was short and raspy, but my body still didn't show any signs of giving up, it still worked hard against Edward.

"Yeah," he said back. "We need to stop!"

Though neither of us did, we continued to kiss until I shoved hard into him and he fell back a few steps. He gave a deep uneven breath and nodded, as if to clear his head, and then looked back at me.

"Come on," he said kindly, "let's find somewhere to sit."

I nodded and walked up to him, my hand finding its way into his own. I brought it up and kissed it softly, my lips seeming to take over my whole body, not allowing any space between them and his body.

We found a tree that the thick base trunk had spilt into two and spread out at different angels before coming back together high in the sky, twisting its branches back together in an eternal embrace. I smiled up at it as Edward sat down on the bench its split trunk had created.

"Even they came back together," I said to him. "In the end."

"And I'm sure that that's all they cared about, really," he replied, smiling and grabbing my hand. "And I can relate."

He pulled me toward where he sat and I landed neatly next to him, cradling up close to his body and holding his hand in my own, my small finger touching it tentatively. It felt more like a precise gem then it ever had, like people who think they're dying of cancer, are suddenly given hope for a cure. Or a mother who is reunited with a run away child.

"You can relate," I ask, looking up into his golden eyes. I wondered what he was thinking, now that my eyes weren't the large surface of brown they used to be.

"I thought..." he whispered, his other hand reached up and touched the side of my face softly, and I pressed my nose to the palm of him, smelling his smell. I gave him a long look, and as I did I tried to analyze what he must be thinking... but it brought no avail. My only power seemed to be my lack of thirst. His hand had more pressure now, and it was moving through my long hair that had come out from my clash with Margret. His eyes never strayed from my own, and I still felt completely naked under that gaze, completely dazzled and out of breath.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I breathed to him, my eyes fervent.

"I thought you'd be different... or maybe we'd be different..." he seemed quite beside himself. I wanted to cry too, I wanted to do something to help him, but all I could do is sit there; frozen.

"Am I?" I asked. "Are we?"

He laughed out, and I didn't move a fraction of an inch - i might as well have been stone. "No," he sighed and we both could have floated up into the clouds from the relief we felt at that small, small word. "You are more alive... more fantastic... I never realized... how perfect it would be..."

I moved even closer to him. "I wish you could speak in full sentences. I never want to hear your voice stop!"

"Oh," he sighed, and I could hear the sadness behind the word, the pent up longing that I wished I could take from him. "If I had known..."

"If..." I encouraged.

His eyes fell to our hands grasping to one another. I hadn't even realized that we were actually investing quite a lot of strength in the bond, both my hands and both of his straining in the hold. I sighed and released them slightly, but he wouldn't have it, and held on tighter.

"If I had known you would be like this, so calm and angelic," he gave the deep sighs I could remember from my hazy human days in Forks. That was my Edward. "I would have changed you myself."

I bit my bottom lip and gazed at his untucked shirt blowing in the slightly cool air. Why shouldn't I tell him...

"I had always wished it was you..." I whispered. "But I don't think I would have been like this..."

"What do you mean," he asked, his eyes snapping up to meet mine.

"I haven't been me for the whole time we've been separated..." I admitted quietly. "I haven't been this."

He touched my face again, his hands traveling up and down my neck then moving to my lips, his fingers brushing lightly against the top one then the bottom one. I gave a small smile as he dropped his hand and spoke.

"How could you have hidden this face behind any kind of mask?"

"I wasn't ready to deal with the facts." I responded. He nodded, and I wondered if he truly got what I was talking about.

"Like the fact I may not love you after the change," He said, it was a statement, not a question. "Don't get me wrong!" he added in a rush, squeezing hard on our joined hands. "I love you as much as I did, and more, now that I am free to."

He raised my hands in his own and kissed the top of them, nipping on the skin slightly. I felt a rush a joy spread through me and I let out a small laugh.

"Yeah," I muttered. "The facts. Now I see them as delusions and that I wasted a good couple of months."

"Hindsight is 20-20." Edward allowed. "But what's a few months - when we have so many years it would hurt to count them all."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "But at the time, I," I placed our joined hands on my chest, "I, Bella Swan, wasn't me. I had retreated so far in on myself - I pretty much admitted defeat, because an existence with out Edward Cullen was not worth existing for."

Edward creased his brow momentarily, before he smoothed it out again and leaned in towards me. I held my breath and let my eyes flutter closed as he kissed the tip of my nose, knowing full well that if I watched him, I would loose control and that would be the end of our talk. "It was the same for Edward Cullen, about Bella Swan." he breathed against me, and I felt his cool breath against my cheeks.

"That's where Ophelia started," I explained lightly as I opened my eyes, wishing fruitlessly that Edward wasn't the curious man I knew him to be.

"Please," he said, and I detected the sharp edge his voice had adapted. "Explain her to me. I don't _**get**_ it."

"I told you, Edward," I said. "I wasn't going to go on without you! So, I took a backseat to Ophelia. I let her rebuild my life! I let her have free reign on those around me! I just sat there, and I wondered why on earth I was still seeing things that seemed so trivial, like trees, or smelling such silly things like rain... still feeling things like heart ache... when it all meant nothing with out you. There. Holding me."

I let out an aggravated sigh as I took my hands away from Edward's and covered my pained face in them. I leaned over my knees as I tried not to choke on the lump forming in my throat.

"I'm sorry," I choked. "I've never really talked about this before."

Before I knew what was happening, Edward was cradling me in his arms like a baby. I wanted to get angry, but I found I couldn't, not when he was holding me like this... fixing me. I snuggled in so close to him I was one step away from inserting myself into his body.

"Talk about it now," He whispered against my hair. "I'm here now, holding you, and there's nobody else. I will keep you safe from now on, Bella. I love you too much to ever let you out of my arms."

I felt so full at that moment. Full of the story that was building against my walls. I knew I had to let it out, let Ophelia die away, because we, Bella and Edward, could not live on if I didn't.

"Promise to never leave me," I whispered into his shirt, still not ready to reveal all my dirty secrets, in fear he may think of me differently.

"I can never think of you differently, Bella." He said. "You are my other half, my soul, my angel. I can never loose you again."

I nodded and raised my head so it rested on Edward's upper arm. He gave me a smile and I smiled back, and then I began my tale. I was amazed at how he acted to, nodding at certain parts, showing no emotion but complete understanding as I retold my suicide note to Charlie, and where I had ended that sad chapter of my life. He didn't behave shocked or intrigued when I told him about Cathy, or the Fates. I told him all about Tara and Naksha. I even described Harry to him, and it was then I saw a flicker of anger fight at his features.

"You can get angry, y'know," I told him, my hand moving up to stroke lightly at his arm.

"I knew about him," he said in a dangerous voice. "I saw the whole thing happen. It was like I was there, in that room, but I couldn't touch you or kill him..."

I sighed, knowing full well it was probably one of the Fates' tricks - Naksha, if I had to take a stab. I nuzzled in so close to him that he couldn't deny I was there, or that I was his.

"I heard you," I told him. "I heard your 'angry' growl, I called-"

"You called out to me." He said and I nodded.

"I don't even know what you must have been going through," I mused, "after trying to stop it after so long..."

"At one point I'll tell you," he whispered. "But its your turn at the moment." and then he went behind the understanding face, absorbing each thing I said.

I went on to the weeks I had spent in Seattle, and then meeting Laurent at the club. I told him how much Ophelia had liked having another companion. And I even added that if Ophelia was a real vampire, and not a figment of my own warped mind, Laurent might have been her other half. Again a flicker of slight anger on his face, but I couldn't change that fact, and now that I was Bella it didn't matter what Ophelia might have done or had, I just wanted him to know everything. I went on to how he took me to Tania, and how much I had grown to love her. I told him I wouldn't have been the Bella he had come to fetch if Tania hadn't shown me great kindness.

"I owe her a lot then," Edward whispered, his head nuzzling against my neck.

I continued on to a minute by minute description of today, and the fight that had led me up to the special guest room. I explained how much I had hated Margret and how good it had felt kicking her butt, at which he cracked a smile for. I finished on trying to explain what I had felt when I heard his growl.

"It was like I had been walking through a fog, for months," I floundered, using my hands in odd grasping ways, as if I was trying to grab hold of a coherent answer. "And your growl kind of cleared the air, and let me see things for what they really are."

"I won't ever let you descend into the fog again," Edward vowed, and I was slightly surprised by his hard tone.

"All you ever have to do is not leave me," I said soothingly.

"Easiest job I have had in all my one hundred years," he admitted.

He stood suddenly, bringing me with him, still suspended in his arms. I squealed, I had never felt so light yet so intense. He clutched me to his chest and I suddenly felt the dull ache in my lower belly again.

"W-what are we doing?" I asked, unable to take the we out of that.

"I am going to prove to you," Edward said in a low, intense voice. "That we are one entity."

I blinked and gulped, and then he was kissing me, showing no sign of his intention to stop. Not that I wanted him to. I remembered these kinds of kisses, the demanding, feverish kisses he always gave me when he was leaving. If he had done this before, I had been afraid, I would not have wanted it. But now I had one more reason to be addicted to Edward - his kisses.


	15. Activities

"Who the hell is Bella? And where did Ophelia go? Why are none of you speaking? Was that a mate's call I heard? What is with Edward? Does he know Ophelia? What is going on here? I demand to know!"

Tania stamped her foot to emphasize each question. Her voice had risen in her indignation as each of the Cullens ignored her. They all opted to furrowing their brows instead and looking at one each other in silence.

"Tania," simpered Margret, moving to her side and placing a pudgy hand on her leader's slim shoulder. "Ophelia has obviously been a lying, cheating wench. She's no doubt this Bella bitch, and just has been quite the skank-"

"I want to hit her," Emmett growled, casting Margret a side glance. Rosalie, who stood a little ways away, nodded sympathetically.

"Go away, Margret." Tania scolded, shaking off the 'comforting' hand.

She walked up to Carlisle who had his arms crossed tight across his chest as he stared hard at his wife Esme who stood at the opposite side of the room - staring straight back. Tania placed a small slender hand on his arm, putting on her sweetest face, her eyes growing abnormally large. Carlisle looked over at her and blinked - Tania looked absolutely angelic.

"Please, Carlisle," her southern accent appealingly strong. "She's my friend. I want to know. Who's Bella?"

Carlisle sighed deeply and opened his mouth to begin the long, strange explanation when a sound came from the couch.

Jasper sat on the couch, attending to Cathy who was now just beginning to come round. His long pale fingers were deep in her fur, brushing against the tears he felt in her skin. Alice had her legs up in her chest, her large golden eyes closed as she tried hard to figure out what was happening. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she gasped.

Carlisle and Tania looked over at the small vampire as she made an 'O' with her mouth. Her eyes looked slightly anguished. Jasper looked over at her, sensing the odd emotion that came off her.

"What did you see?" Emmett asked, walking up to his little sister and catching her eye.

She cleared her throat. "They've made up."

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked.

"I mean what I said," Alice snapped, standing up and walking away from Jasper, who was now trying to lower her embarrassment. "No one else needs to know. They'll come down and see us in a few hours."

"Hours?!" Emmett yelled out, his hands in the air. "Who 'makes up' for hours?!"

They all froze in place as they answer occurred to them all simultaneously. Alice bowed her head, if she could blush she would have been. The silence dragged on, no one knowing exactly what to say.

"Its only natural, I suppose," croaked Esme, looking to Carlisle who's eyebrows had reached his hair line.

Suddenly Emmett boomed out with laughter so loud that the ground felt like shaking. He threw his head back with the laugh, his hands on his stomach. Rosalie looked absolutely horrified as her lover boomed at the ceiling. Jasper scowled at his brother as he doubled over with his laughter.

"Look," Jasper said, rising from the couch, Cathy in his arms, "let's go have dinner. We have no right to intrude on their - activities" another booming laugh from Emmett. "We'll be able to talk to them soon."

"Yes," Tania said, her eyes sharp. She would have liked nothing more then to interrogate Ophelia (or is it Bella?) and Edward. The situation was the strangest and most interesting thing that had come across her in years. "Let's go eat."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed, working hard to contain composure. "Edward shouldn't be the only one."

Everyone groaned as he laughed again.


End file.
